Day 110

I ran a ton of errands today... Just trying to be sure you don't have to worry about anything after you come home.

I read a little tonight. I'm typically a really fast reader, but I swear, it takes me an hour to get through ten pages of this book. It's insane! The book is great, but it reads painfully slowly.

Anyway, time for me to call it a night...one day closer to your arms. I love you. Goodnight.

Day 109

I feel like these days are dragging on for an eternity... Like every time I look at the calendar, it's still the same number of weeks away as it was the last time I counted. I'm sure it must be even worse for you...

I catch myself daydreaming about your homecoming. A lot. I've had my outfit picked out for months. I know how I will wear my hair, my makeup. I can already feel the nervous anticipation creeping through my bloodstream... Perhaps that anticipation is what has also made time stand still. I've thought more than once that maybe Sleeping Beauty got the best deal out of the bunch... She got to sleep until her prince came home... No worrying, no nightmares, just sleeping until he planted a kiss on her. I wonder if she had to get up and make dinner after that nap?? They always leave those parts out of the fairy tales. ;)

I can't wait to touch your face, to be able to feel you and know that you're real.

I love you with every bit of my heart.

Very soon, I will be back in your arms.

Goodnight, soldier.

Day 108

First off, sorry last night's blog was so short. Sometimes I feel like if I start writing, I'll never shut up. Other times, I think I just feel empty.

I know that most people probably think I'm insane when I say that I feel like this deployment has brought us closer together...strengthened our relationship. I find it difficult to understand why the notion of it strengthening us is so improbable.

Isn't communication one of the keys to a strong, lasting relationship? We have been put in a situation where we have no choice but to learn to communicate effectively. When everything you know and love is typing away on the other end of an Internet connection, you teach yourself very quickly to translate those words on the screen into your loved one's voice inside your head.

You find ways to make the other happy during conversations. You don't leave anything unsaid. You learn to communicate in ways that you normally wouldn't need to...because you no longer have the benefit of eye contact, or touch, or smell, or even sound.

We have learned to effectively communicate. Most times I can hear your voice in my head, answering a question before I ever ask it... Which tends to make things easier. Lol it's helpful to know your opinion without needing to ask. :)

I'm not saying that we always communicate on a pro level, but I feel like we do pretty well... Much better than average... And I think it's a major reason that I feel so close to you.

I love you, babe. I'll talk to you soon. Until then, be safe. Goodnight.

Day 107

I love you.

Day 106

I'm just not even going to talk about today.

I will say that Sadie is feeling better, though.

I love you so much. Please be safe, my love. Be smart, be aware and be true to yourself. You're my hero and my best friend. My heart is with you. Goodnight.

Day 105

Well, the Tater Bug is feeling bad again. I was up most of the night with her. At least she tries to wake me up. Poor baby. Doodle is fine now, though, so that's good. I just can't figure out why Sadie is sick. Unfortunately, it seems like when she gets sick, she keeps it for a while. :(

So we're going to bed, baby. I'm tired. Here's hoping she does ok tonight. No more messes. I love you. I can't wait for you to get home. Be safe, my love. I'll meet you in my dreams. Goodnight.

Day 104

Well, today had some eventful moments. I went to an FRG meeting with Jenn... And one wife proceeded to throw a fit about her husband choosing his father as his main point of notification. If that didn't say enough about their marriage, she then told everyone in the room that she was not looking forward to her husband coming home because he was an (insert explicative here) and he thought he was going to come home and relax on half days, but he has another thing coming. Then she told us that if he was going to only work half days until June, he could get a second job.

I looked at Jenn, and we immediately grabbed our bags and left before I got ugly. I cannot believe that a human being would actually act like that... Let alone in public. I was totally floored. Maybe it was wise of that soldier to choose a parent as main info contact... Especially with a wife who acts like a child. At least this way an adult will get the information.

Anyway, I'm headed to bed. I still think I'm behind on sleep from the pukey, poopy night.

I love you to the moon and back. I'll see you soon. All my love, goodnight.

Day 103

What a day....

I woke up at 3am to a dog puking on my head... Literally, on my head. Poor Sadie. She's laying there shaking after I clean it up, so we go downstairs to potty and she doesn't make it out the door before her hiney explodes.

After I get that cleaned up as best I can without the steam vac, we go back to bed. Not 30 minutes later, she wakes up sick again. At least we made it outside this time before the rear explosion. This went on all night long.

I finally fell back asleep at about 10am, and woke up to Flint having an accident. Poor babies. You know how they are... When one wiener is sick, the other follows right behind.

So when I got to talk to you this morning, I was having a poopy day (pun intended), but you managed to turn that right around with news of orders!! We're heading home, baby!! Fort Knox!!

I couldn't be happier! We can finally plan!!! Now we can just focus on getting you home and moving on to the next phase in our lives. The past year of limbo has been so difficult, and now it finally feels like we have a direction and a goal. I'm not sure anyone can quite understand the challenges we've had and the victories that have led us to this point... It certainly hasn't been easy, and now we can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I feel like its a very positive move for us, and it couldn't come at a better time.

Despite all of the stresses and bumps, I love you with my whole heart. I can't imagine a second of my life without you in it, even from halfway around the world you are very present, and I'm so thankful for you. Everything we have been through, we have handled together, and I know that nothing will ever change that. You're my rock and I adore you.

I'm headed to bed with the iPad to begin planning. I love you, and I'll talk to you in the morning. Be safe. Be smart. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 102

Ok. In bed before 11 (yay, me!), big day tomorrow. Going to an awards ceremony at 9, then preparing the barracks for the single soldiers at 6 (during the UK game... You tell them they'd better appreciate it, darn it).

The FRG meeting went well. They went over a lot of things with us about the two weeks after you return home. I took my handy, dandy iPad with me to take notes and it was fabulous. I emailed the notes to you, Kristin and Ashley with no problems at all. Love it!

Going to sleep. I've decided that the more I sleep, the quicker you'll be home, right?

I love you. Goodnight.

Day 101

Some days are just tough... Not for any particular reason, but sometimes I just really, really want to hug you.

I'm going to bed a little earlier every night, so that's good. I should be on a non-vampiric schedule by the time you come home. The down-side is that by the time I make it to bed and remember that I've forgotten to blog, I'm ready to crash.

FRG final redeployment meeting is tomorrow night.... Maybe it will start to feel like you are officially coming home, although its still at least a month away.

I miss you so much. I love you bunches and bunches. The puppies send kisses and wiggles. They love you, too. We will talk to you tomorrow and dream of you tonight. Goodnight. All my love.

Day 100

Blah. I know you're not having such a great day today, and I just want you to know how much I love and miss you. Try to brush it off and not be upset. I'll keep saying my prayers for everything to be okay.

I got a lot accomplished today (yay!) and I'm excited for you to be able to come home and enjoy all my hard work... I just wish they'd stop pushing the dates back. :( <- big pouty face.

I love you. Be safe. I'll meet you in my dreams. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 99/Week 15

I had ice cream for dinner. It was fabulous.

I'm falling asleep typing this, but I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 98

More rearranging today....

Organized and sorted your side of the closet. I took some of the things you don't wear often to the guest room closet to make more room so your clothes aren't stuffed in there. I even color coordinated so you could easily find what you're looking for. It's getting there. I should have everything they way I want it before you come home.

Your welcome home banner has taken up residence on the wall of the third bedroom. I figured we could put it back there after your homecoming. It's pretty cute. I think you'll like it.

I'm in the process of moving all of our crafting things to the third bedroom and organizing them there, but it may take a while.

Anyway, I can't wait for you to get home!!! I love you, babe, and the pups say hi. Be careful over there. Goodnight.

Day 97

Helped Jenn get her house decorated today. I'm tired. Going to sleep.

Happy Birthday, Kahne. Mommy and Daddy love you so much!

Love you, baby. Be safe. Goodnight.

Day 96

Another Friday night has come and gone... Another weekend beginning.

It's past midnight, so it's now Bubby's birthday. Happy Birthday, Kahne! Mommy and Daddy love you.

I love you, soldier. I can't seem to shake this stupid headache, so I'm calling it a night. I'll see you in my dreams. Goodnight. Muah.

Day 95

I worry. I know that bad things are happening over there as a result of one person's actions, and I worry. I'm terrified that he has put you all in danger, and it makes me angry.

Do people not think of the global consequences of their actions? When one person does something stupid, it can cause an absolute uproar, putting every one of you at risk. When one person leaves their post, they leave an entire base unprotected. When one soldier decides to make his own orders, I can damage an entire mission.

I pray that you all return home safely. I hope that none of you suffer the consequences of another soldier's actions. Stay safe, my love. Keep your head down. Courage is only born during moments of fear...one cannot exist without the other.

I love you. Come home to me. Goodnight.

Day 94

I miss you. I miss the way we laugh together. I miss the way you look at me. I miss holding your hand in the car and belting out songs that we shouldn't. Did you know that the only time you call me "Stephanie" is when you are aggravated at me? ;) I miss how you always move the heavy things around the house, and you hardly ever let me carry anything on the stairs because you know I'm likely to fall down them. I miss the smile on your face and my "honey, I'm home" kiss when you come through the door after work. I miss how you pretend to not hear me when I nag. I miss your boots in the middle of the floor. I miss watching TV together.

I miss how the puppies go nuts when you come home, and how you pretend that you haven't seen them in days so you can play with them. I miss how we totally laugh at the exact same points in movies, even if it's not funny. I miss the texts in the middle of the day asking who someone is, and I immediately know that they sent you a friend request on Facebook. I miss how your phone goes off every 15 minutes because you have carrots to harvest on Zombie Farm. I miss how you go silent in the middle of a conversation because you are "invading the ninjas."

I miss how you stop what you are doing and put an arm around me anytime there is a breaking news story that comes on TV, and you hold me like you're afraid I might break. I miss playing Warhammer with you (and kicking your butt). I miss the way that we don't have to talk, and yet we completely understand what the other is saying. I miss kissing you goodnight. I miss fighting over control of the sink when we are brushing our teeth before bed. I miss the smell of your skin, and touching your face. I miss your hugs. I especially miss the way you tuck my hair behind my ear when I'm frazzled...it's like you know that's the shut-up-and-kiss-me button.

I miss you.

You're my best friend. Be safe and come home to me. I love you with every bit of my heart. Goodnight, soldier.

Standing Guard

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
my daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree, I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep
in perfect contentment, or so it would seem.
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eye when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
and I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.


A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts,
to the window that danced with a warm fire's light
then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night"

"Its my duty to stand at the front of the line,
that separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red white and blue... an American flag.

"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home,
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat,
I can carry the weight of killing another
or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers
who stand at the front against any and all,
to insure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone.
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
to know you remember we fought and we bled
is payment enough, and with that we will trust.
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.

by: Michael Marks
December 7th, 2000

Day 93/ 3 months gone

I actually had you on good video tonight. :) It means a lot to me when I can see you smile.

I'm so tired tonight, babe. I spent like two hours trying to figure out how to download our DVDs to iTunes so we can watch them on the drive out, our you can watch them on staff duty when you come home. I think I may have it figured out now, though, but I'll probably need to get an external hard drive for the laptop. I think it's running out of space. Maybe I can get a few of them done before you come home.

Ok. I'm going to sleep. I love you to the moon and back. Soon you'll be home in my arms. I can't wait to kiss you. My love, my hero. Goodnight.

Day 92/Week 14

Thirteen weeks gone. Three months tomorrow. Feels like ages longer since I have seen your face.

I love you.

Goodnight.

Day 91

I'm currently being rooted out of bed by 3 small dogs. They not only seem to have the powers to push me to the edge of the bed, but two of them have very cold noses. :| We miss you. Please come home and take the bed thieves back to your side.

Kahne is actually sleeping on YOUR pillow right now. Prolly won't last long. He seems to enjoy dream-running on my head in the middle of the night.

Shelby has taken over your side of the bed. Sadie and Flint lay wherever they are most in my way. Lol. It's a good thing they're cute.

Not much longer baby. You'll be home soon. I can't wait! I'm ready to retire this pillowcase with your face on it. I'll trade it for the real you any day of the week. I love you. Miss you more than I can ever explain. Goodnight, love. Be safe over there.

Day 90

So we go to daylight savings time tonight...not sure if that means I'll talk to you at the normal time, or an hour later. :/ Can't believe I didn't think to ask. I guess I'll just set my alarm earlier so I am sure not to miss you. I'm so confused. Lol

Ok. Now that I've thought about that, I'm going to bed. My head hurts. Do they have daylight savings time in Afghanistan? If not, does this mean we will only be on a 30 minute time difference now? Ugh.

Mom called tonight. They made it home safe. She said they had fun.

I love you. Be safe. Take care of you. Goodnight, soldier. Meet you in my dreams tonight.

Day 89

Aurora fail.

The forecast was a 6 tonight...I've never seen it above a 4, so Jenn and I pulled out the camera and the tripod. Two hours, 40 miles and a lot of laughs later...I made it home seeing nothing but snow, clouds and two trains. Even the moose stayed in tonight.

Ahh, well. Whatever. At least we had fun.

I'm heading to bed to try and read some. It bugs me endlessly that you finished this book before I did. :|

I love you with all my heart. You are my sun and stars. ;) Goodnight, soldier.

Day 88

So I've started and deleted this blog four times tonight. I'm really frustrated and I'm not sure what has caused it. I think maybe things have just been weighing heavily on my mind and it manifests in this funk of a cloud over my head that I can't seem to shake.

I've just heard so many stories of cheating and lies lately that it makes me want to climb inside a bubble and stay there until you come home. I miss you. I miss your smile and your warmth. I miss your hugs. I miss your laugh.

I can't wait for you to come home. Please hurry. I'm posting the Army Wife Creed below as a reminder to you of what this all means to me. I've always got your six. One hundred percent. I love you soldier, goodnight.



I am the wife of an American Soldier.

I am a supporter of the United States Army - an encouragement for the protectors of the greatest nation on earth.

Because I am proud of my husband and the uniform that he wears, I will always act in ways creditable to him, the military service and the nation he is sworn to guard.

I am proud of my husband. I will do all that I can to protect and provide for my family in his absence. I will be loyal to my husband and to the vows that we made as we entered the covenant of marriage.

I will do my full part to carry on the values and goals we have set apart for our family and I will continue to instruct our children in the same manner.

As a soldier's wife, I realize that I play a vital role in my husband's decision to become a member of a time-honored profession - that I am doing my share to keep alive the principles of freedom
for which my country stands.

No matter what situation I am in, I will never do anything, for pleasure, profit, or personal safety, which will disgrace my husband, his uniform or our country.

I will use every means I have to encourage my husband to be the best soldier that he can be.

I am proud of my husband, my country and its flag. I will fly the flag and will always remember the sacrifices
made by my husband and by generations of men and women that have served our beloved country.

I will try to make my husband proud of the manner in which I accept his decision to defend my freedom and
the freedom of all American citizens -
for I am the wife of an American soldier.

Day 87

Wow. I'm soooo tired. Ran errands with Jenn today, got my nails done (yay!), didn't do anything particularly tiring but I'm tired nonetheless.

I think I'm going to go to bed and try and read a little before I fall asleep. I can't wait to kiss you goodnight, and fall asleep in your arms again.

Not much longer now, my love. Not much longer...stay safe. Come home to me. I love you to the moon and back, goodnight.

Day 86

So I finally was able to get all of those picture/posters printed today...it only took three hours at Walmart. :/ I think my aurora photos look pretty great on the wall above the couch.

Your boots came in today, so you should be all set when you get home except for new tennis shoes. I'll start collecting your dress blues on the next paycheck. I'm super excited to see you in them! I love seeing you in your dress uniform. ;) Maybe you won't hate your blues as much as the greens.

Your surprise is ready, as well, but you don't get to see it until you get home.

Soon, baby! I'll get to hug you and kiss you very soon! I love and miss you so very much. Please be safe today. All my love is with you. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 85 (giving thanks)

I am a very lucky girl. This Army Wife life ain't easy.... But you are so wonderful. You cheer me up, you keep me from losing my mind, you calm me down. You always have my back.

One aspect of this life that I don't mention often is family... Not the family we are born into, but the Army issued family... Our brothers and sisters. The military fuses people into a special bond that is different than any other. I am lucky enough to have several "brothers" in Afghanistan who keep an eye on both of us. They make it a priority to check on me and keep me posted when you cannot. I'm still not sure how, as the eldest of our entire group of friends, I always end up being the little sister. ;)

I got a letter from a dear friend just before Nate deployed in December. With his permission, I'd like to share it tonight. His heartfelt words are like a hug from my wonderful big brother every time I read his letter. It gives me comfort when I worry.

This is the letter that I received from Sgt. James Powell on December 5, 2011:

To end this day before I lay my head down to sleep in this land of dreary hostility, it weighs heavy on my mind that you are in a time of need.
I do not come to you as a brother, family member or dear friend. Today I come as a Soldier and answer as only a Soldier can.
As a Soldier, always pragmatic and realistic, I will not make promises that cannot be kept. I will not fill your head with empty dreams of guarantees that are dishonorable to make. I do come to make promises though, promises that will be kept. As your Soldier leaves your arms, know that he is not heading pointlessly into a dangerous world far from your love and care. Know that he is heeding the call of 99,000 fellow armed Soldiers that want and need his courage, strength, honor and integrity. As he leaves our cherished country behind and his loved ones with it we share in his heartache and sorrow from afar.
This I PROMISE to you, from the moment your Soldier leaves your arms he will be guarded and watched over as steadfastly as if you were armed and by his side. Every step of the way he will be surrounded by fellow Soldiers, like-minded, like-trained, and equally honorable.
I PROMISE that as long as he remains within distance of arms, sight, sound or bullets he will be protected by the best military force this world has ever seen. I also PROMISE before those distances are ever exceeded many enemies will be laid to rest and their wives will have want to grieve.
I PROMISE during every mission, task and dreary day, your Soldier will have a few of the 99,000 around him to help pick him up, give him a hand and watch his back until that faithful day when we can all come home.
I PROMISE that we will ALL do everything in our power to ensure we get to our cherished land whole and alive so you can be with him again.
When you feel down, remember all of this and if it becomes too much, call on us... any of us and we will dispatch the rear-detachment of Women Insurmountably Valiant & Eternally Sacred (WIVES) to come to your aid. They are a feisty bunch but they represent us honorably and with pride and will serve you well in your times of need.


P.S. Smile Chihuahua, I got his back. I'm going to sleep now. Talk to you soon.


I will always hold this beautiful letter near my heart. The fact that he took time from his day to make me more comfortable means so much to me.

So this is my "thank you" to my brothers. Thank you for having my husband's back. Thank you for checking on me. Thank you for being so giving of yourselves...and thank you to your amazing wives and children. I love you all.

And Nate...thank you for being such a wonderful husband. My life, my hero. You amaze me every single day. I love you. Goodnight.

Day 84

Sunday. Why is it so difficult for me to remember to take out the darn trash?!?

Here I am, sitting in bed, reading... And I just remembered the trash. Sheesh. It's only one bag... It can wait a week.

I made a calendar today. It's a special countdown calendar. Every day is a heart made out of paper, like a paper chain. They are dated, and every morning I'll remove a heart. When the last heart is gone, you'll be home!! :) I attached a pic.

I'm also attaching a pic of our first post on Facebook. I found it tonight while looking through this new timeline nonsense that is my profile. You were in Iraq then.

Life has brought us to where we are today... Together. I wouldn't trade a minute of this journey. I love you more than I can ever express. Please be safe, and come home soon. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 83

Cleaned the house. Win.

Worked out. Win.

Made your welcome home banner. Win.

Finished the quilt hanging. Win.

Watched a chick flick and didn't cry. Winning!

Love you, baby. April can't get here soon enough!! Muah, goodnight.

Day 82

I'm exhausted. I'm not exactly sure why...but I'm going to bed as soon as Jersey Shore is over. I swear.

I love you with all my heart. We miss you so much. Love you, goodnight.

Day 81

When I woke up this morning, I checked Shelby's ears, as usual, and they looked awful. Not their normal red and itchy...but awful, like blistered hamburger. Poor baby. I took her to the vet.

She did pretty well as far as vet trips go. She was pretty well behaved until we got into the exam room where she decided to go dogatonic and play dead in hopes that the vet would ignore her (see picture below). For those who don't know, dogatonia is a condition that affects my dogs at times when they don't want to do what you are asking them to do, for example, Kahne gets dogatonia when wearing clothing. Flint gets it when told to go to his kennel. Shelby is apparently only dogatonic at the vet. Basically, they lay there and look at you out of the corner of their eye, believing that if they ignore you, you will go away...sound familiar, babe? We call it selective hearing or artillery ear when you do it. ;) Love you.

After leaving the vet office with three medications, a diagnosis of a skin infection most likely caused by allergies and an almost $200 bill, we went to petco to get dog food. Usually you are with me when we take Shelby with us to petco....today I got to wrangle both the cart and Shel, while trying to get a 30 pound bag of food in the cart, a 15 pound bag, pay for it all and get her back to the truck with the purchases.

When we get to the truck, I leave the cart at the back and go to the side door to put her in before unloading the cart. As I open the door, a raven (these things are as big as chickens and protected by law due to some native belief that upon death, they are reincarnated as one of these dumpster divers. Killing one results in a hefty fine...something to the effect of $20,000) decides it will stroll out from under the truck. The bird saw Shelby at about the same time that Shelby saw the bird. Due to the positioning of the raven between the dog and the truck, it couldn't fly, so it had to take the second best option...it ran. That's right...it ran.

This bird went bolting back under the truck for safety, falling on the ice not once, but twice, before it was sure Shelby didn't have it's tail feathers in her teeth. I haven't laughed so hard in months. Shelby looked up at me like, "What the hell was that, Mommy?"

After we made it home, Shelby took her medicine and it seems to be working. She's not scratching, but it's got her fairly knocked out. I'm just thankful her itching has subsided a bit.

I am headed to bed, but I'm sorry you couldn't be there to watch The Great Standoff today. It was pretty hilarious. I love you, babe, and miss you tons. See you in my dreams. Goodnight.