Sensitivity Training

Our military personnel encounter training on a daily basis, and as a spouse, I hear about a ton of it.  I live this life just like my soldier lives it, and most spouses start to take part of the military into their own personalities. I tell my dogs to "march" when they are in trouble. One of my best friends was the DD one night to a couple of soldiers and gave them a safety briefing before they got out of the car which included "Don't do anything stupid, call us if you need us, and go inside so you don't get frostbite. No Driving."  Nate pauses in the middle of conversations at least once per week and simply says, "You are such an Army Wife."

I take all of this as a compliment. I love my soldier, my military and my country.  I support all three unconditionally, and while I understand that everyone has an opinion about the military/president/war/politics/whatever...military families don't always need to hear those opinions. 

Imagine shopping at your local Wal-Mart. You are stopping in after work to pick up a few things for dinner. While you are pushing your cart through the dairy section, you run into an old friend who stops to chat.  They ask if your son is still in the Army. "Yes," you respond. "He's in Afghanistan." You had almost made it through the entire day without crying...and you are determined not to lose it by the milk cooler at Wal-mart...

Ok...I'm going to stop right there. There are two ways that this conversation can go...one direction is positive, the other, very negative.  I'm hoping that after reading this, everyone's conversations with military spouses and family members will head down that positive road, so, may I proudly present my version of sensitivity training.

I would like to start with questions that spouses and family members commonly hear. This would be a list of things that people say to try and show empathy...and in reality, they are the questions that make us groan...the things people say without thinking them through.  Please, NEVER say any of these things to a military spouse, girlfriend or family member.

1. Do you miss him?
          Really?!?!  What do you think? I will see my husband/child
          one time this year. Duh. Of course I miss him.

2. Aren't you afraid something might happen to him/he'll be killed?
          Um...every minute of every day. Terrified. Is that enough
          worry for you?

3. Well in my opinion...(Insert political opinion about
    President/military/war here).
          As I said earlier...we know you have an opinion. It doesn't
          mean that we need to hear it.  Ever. We also realize that our
          family member went to war to continue your rights to express
          that opinion...Please exercise that right elsewhere.

4. I saw on the news that...
         You all know my opinion on the news. I don't watch it. The news
         picks out the worst case scenarios in order to sway your political
         opinion in one direction or another. I don't need to see the
         conditions in which my husband is fighting because I can't change
         his circumstance.  I don't watch to see if there are things
         happening in the area he is in, or headed to, because
         if something happens to him, I'll be notified long before it ever
         makes it on the news...trust me.

5. Well, he signed up for this.
        Thank you. Yes, he did. He signed up to protect this freedom
        that you take for granted. He understood the risks he was taking
        and loves his job very much...and I am very proud of him. I also
        try on a daily basis to put those risks in the back of my mind, so
        thank you for bringing them back to the front.

6. Wow. I'm so jealous that you get to take a vacation to
    Hawaii/Alaska/Germany!
       My family member/best friend/boyfriend is stationed there.
       This is not a vacation. I miss him/her and this may be the only
       chance I have to see them before they go to WAR. Are you
       jealous of that, too? How about the once a week phone calls,
       or the six months with no hugs? I didn't think so.

7. I know what you're going through.
       Unless you've been a military spouse or family member
       and are talking to a person in the exact same position, you
       have no clue. Please just avoid this phrase. And no, you do
       NOT know how I feel.

8. Other things to never say:
       I don't know how you do it.
       Has he had to kill anyone?
       Aren't you afraid he'll cheat on you?
      Why couldn't he get a REAL job?
      I'd die if my husband left me alone for that long.
      Are you afraid of him now?
      Are you excited he's coming home?



Ok...Now that we've covered what NOT to say...Let's travel down that positive road, shall we? I know that many of the above comments are said with the heart in the right place, so here's a list of things that can be said to encourage and support without causing a meltdown in the milk aisle.

Let's go out for coffee.

How bout a girls' night?

Call me anytime you need to talk.

If you ever need to run some errands, I'd be happy to watch the kids for a while.

We're having _____ for dinner tonight, would you like to join us?

I don't know what you're going through, but what can I do to help?

I'm running to the store...do you need anything?

I'd like to send a package. Can I have his address?


And the biggest, most heartfelt comment you can make?  "Thank you."

Hope this helps, even if it's just a little.

Red Fridays...How did I miss this???

I spend the majority of my time on the Internet searching for things to help myself and others adjust to the military life and trying to find ways to support our troops. Tonight in my quest, I ran across a t-shirt that said "Red Fridays...until they all come home." Huh? How did I miss something so supportive and simple? ...so I started researching......

The concept is simple. Just like wearing a yellow ribbon, the idea is for everyone who supports our troops to wear a red shirt on Fridays.  Ultimately, it would be amazing to see a sea of red in support of our soldiers, both at home and abroad.  There are also a ton of t-shirts out there for this to specifically support husbands, wives, sons, daughters, parents and siblings.

Also in my research, I ran across the following story.

Is it true?  No idea.

Does it matter if it's true?  Not to me.

I cried (of course), so I'll warn you, it's touching...but worth reading.



Last week I was in Atlanta, Georgia attending a conference.


While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.


Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering. When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.


Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal. Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said "hi." The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her. The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.


The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney , told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up. When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.


After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney , bent down and said this to her, "I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you." He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying "your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon."


The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event. As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause.


As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.


We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.


RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority". We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no liberal media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops.


Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.


If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever; certainly more than the media lets on.


The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?"is...We need your support and your prayers.


Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear something red every Friday.

So here's the thing...I will be wearing red every Friday...Will you?

Remember that America is the Land of the Free because of the Brave.