Day 20

Happy New Year, my love!
By now it's 2012 where you are... But I'm still waiting for the ball to drop.

Since you educated me on some Alexander the Great history yesterday, and you know I love it, I'll give you a little background on Auld Lang Syne.

Auld Lang Syne is a Scottish folk song that most English speaking countries have adopted to sing on NYE. Roughly translated, the name means "days gone by," or "old times sake." It starts as a rhetorical question. Should we forget about old friendships of days gone by? Leave them in the past? It goes on to toast those friendships and everything that we've been through.

I think it's a very meaningful song for us this year. We've certainly made some lifelong friends, been through some seriously tough times, and as the song says, wandered many a weary foot since this time last year. I feel like we are closer for everything we have been through, although it wasn't always easy.

We find our strength in times of struggle... Trial by fire.

So tonight I will toast to you, baby. To us. To this year passing, and a new beginning. To loving someone more than you love yourself, and to only looking back to the good times, never the bad. I love you, and I will give you your New Years' kiss just as soon as you get off the plane. Be careful, soldier, and remember that you have all of my heart with you. Goodnight.

Day 19

I'll start off by saying that grocery shopping for one is no fun... But it's even worse alone. I'm going to have to recruit a grocery buddy.

I found a Christmas tree shaped cupcake holder at the store today for really cheap. I was contemplating taking the tree down, but wanted to display some of our ornaments because I love them so much.... This was my solution. I can take the tree down without feeling guilty about packing up both Christmas and my patriotism. It's green. But I'm thinking of spray painting it white or red. Actually, I was thinking more of having you spray paint it white or red. Lol so hurry home so you can paint my mini-tree. ;)

I grabbed 3 picture frames today. I'm going to blow up the picture of the platoon and you holding the little girl in Iraq, and one of the pics from the day before you left... Either the one with us on the cannon, or if you like a different one better...just let me know. I'll post a picture when I get them on the wall. I'm excited to work on them. :)

The kiddos say "hi, Daddy!" They love you and miss you. Shelby has been talking to me all day. She wants to go to the park, but it's way too cold out. Right now, she's grunting because she wants to get on the couch, but her fatty butt won't fit up here. I'm going to have to get the humidifier out... They shock me every time they get a chance to touch me. It's starting to hurt.

So tomorrow's mission: clean the downstairs, take down the tree, humidifier, move shelf to where the tree is, clean out the stairs closet so I can put the things on the shelf in there, try to figure out a way to kiss you for NYE.

So at 10:30am, my time, it will be 2012 in your time zone. I know you will be working, but just remember that I'll be thinking of you. 2012 is going to be a really good year... I can feel it. I love you, baby. Can't wait to kiss your face. Goodnight.

Day 18

We're tied. Today is a tie for the longest period we've been apart. WLC was 18 days long. Before that, there was a 14 day field problem. Before that, 10 days. Before that......4 days.

I remember counting down those 18 days. You even made sure you called every single day. We've still managed to not go a single day without hearing the other's voice. Never more than 24 hours. I know that may not always be the case, but I also know how hard you try to make sure you talk to me everyday. It means so much to me.

I'm still in awe of how close we are. I know it's cheesy, but I feel like you're so much a part of me that you know what I'm thinking and feeling... Even from 5,000 miles away.

I look forward to spending every day with you for the rest of my life. Even if I'm not by your side, I'm always there. You have my whole heart, and I know I have yours. I love you, and you're our hero. Keep good watch, your head down and your gun clean. I'll see you soon. Goodnight. <3

Day 17

I miss your face.

I've been having a really hard time going to sleep at night... Awake until 3 or 4 in the morning. I guess I just worry.

I downloaded a nook book. It's called Faith Deployed. Basically, it's just devotions that I can read when I'm worried or down. I think it may do me some good. :)

It seems really difficult to find books geared toward military wives. You'd think that with there being so many of us, that we would be a target audience (and I'm talking realistically... Not Army Wives the TV show stuff).

Anyway, I got a flag for outside. It's a small garden flag, but I love it. I'll attach a picture. It will be waiting outside for you when you come home, and when you do, we'll take the yellow ribbon off the pole.

Talk to you soon, my love. We miss our hero. Be safe. I love you to that big old moon and back. Goodnight.

Day 16

I was off today, so I went to the commissary to grab some eggs. I walked around for about an hour like I was lost. It's sad when you can't even commit to a box of cereal because you don't know if you'll eat the whole box. I managed to get some cornbread mix, eggs, rice and dish washing liquid.

Wandered around Barnes and Noble for a while. I always feel close to you there.... I just didn't have anyone to go dig out of the Science Fiction section when I was ready to leave. ;)

It's been cold here. Supposed to get down in the negative 30s tonight. I've had to go rescue Flint twice this week from the cold when he went out to potty. Poor lil feller. They're all ok, though. We're getting back in a routine, but I hate to go to work and leave them here when they've been so used to having someone home with them. I love our little family.

I miss you so much, baby. Can't wait to see your face again. Goodnight, my love.

Day 15/Week 3

I'm going to rant. I'm going to pitch a fit/throw a tantrum/raise cain... Whatever else you'd like to call it. Why, you ask? Because it's going to make me feel better.

First off, work today was zero fun. I'm not sure why everyone and their brother has to come in for exchanges and returns on the day after Christmas, but goodness, it was a mess. I'm also not sure why some associates feel that it's appropriate to just not show up for work on the day after Christmas. If we didn't need you, you wouldn't have been on the schedule. I hate retail. Time to bite the bullet and work on my masters at the next duty station.

My Facebook was hacked today. Received an email this afternoon that I'd logged in on a computer that I'd never used before. I started to freak out. Then it kicked me off Facebook on my phone and I started to panic. What if you were online and couldn't reach me?? When I got home, I tried to log on and it said that someone in California had logged into my account. So it finally let me change my password. Scared me to death. Who has enough time on their hands to sit around and hack my Facebook? Seriously. I'm not even that interesting.

It made me feel much better, as it always does, when you called. Honestly, I haven't had that many awful days since you left, but today I felt like all the ok days ganged up and attacked me at once. I'm fine now, but I think deployment tied it up today. 3-3.

Had a dream last night that we were at an amusement park. We were having a blast. It made it hard to get out of bed... I kept trying to go back to sleep so I could see you, talk and laugh some more. I miss your smile...and hugs. I miss hugs.

Did some yoga, took a bubble bath, ate some cheesecake (which negated the yoga), dropped the cheesecake in my lap, and now I'm cuddling with the puppies. They say hi, Daddy. We all miss you. We love you and are counting down the days until you come home. I'm praying that you're home by my birthday... It at least gives me a target date. 136 days until my Birthday. :)

Goodnight, soldier. Muah.

Day 14

I know you hate birthdays. I know. So I won't make it a big deal that you're 30 today... But I will say that deployment got you out of an over-the-hill party, so you'd better be prepared at 40.

Before your page is filled with Happy Birthdays, I tagged you in a note that I'd like you to read.

It was wonderful to see your face last night. I've missed that half-grin of yours. I'm sure it's hard to be away from us, but we are so very proud of you. I hope you can find strength in that. Seeing you on my computer screen was the best gift I could have hoped for this year. Thank you for making that happen.

The pups loved their toys. Loved them so much, in fact, that the innards are strewn around the living room...and I only gave them 1 each. Lol

I'm glad that you were able to spend Christmas with James and Seth. And I know you loved that Red Velvet Cheesecake. I asked Santa for that for you since I knew you didn't get to see him before you left.

Today wasn't easy, but I tried to stay busy to help me through. We're all doing fine, we just miss you. I love you bunches, soldier. Be safe. Goodnight.

Day 13 (from the kids)

We miss you Daddy!

Mommy is making us wait to open our presents in case we get to Skype wif youuu so you can watches us.

We had been snoozin on the couch today so we can be awake to bark when the fat man comes. Don't worry, Daddy, he ain't gettin in here... We is ready for hims. Sadie is gonna lure him onto the porch wif her cuteness, then I is gonna sound the alarms (it's Kahne, Daddy) and then Shel is gonna pounce him and slobbers on his face while Flint takes all the toys outs of the bag. Pretty good plan, huh, Daddy? We calls ourselves "The Paw Berets, Special Team One." Catchy, huh?

You little soldiers miss you, Daddy. We loves you. We is saving some of the cuddles for when you get home again. Merry Christmas, Daddy!!

P.S. Mommy taked pictures of us while we was nappin for you. Keep scrolling down, they should be on here! Love you!

Day 13 (Christmas Eve here, Christmas Day there)

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas darling
We're apart that's true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I'm Christmas-ing with you

Holidays are joyful
There's always something new
But every day's a holiday
When I'm near to you
The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you


Sooo many songs remind me of you this Christmas. I hope you know how much I love you.

So I thought that for your Christmas gift, I'd share with you some of the things I've learned over the past few weeks.

1. I can have a meltdown and then put myself back together.
2. I'm not good at going to the gym when you aren't here... Not that I'm good at it when you are here...
3. Family is everywhere, even 5,000 miles from home... You just have to find it.
4. I'm stronger than I thought I was.
5. You are the most amazing person I know (I already knew that, but you have reinforced that belief).
6. It doesn't matter what I wear, your dog tags and wedding ring go with everything.
7. I can clean like a mad woman.
8. I'm actually good at saving money.
9. I miss you more than I can ever express.
10. Christmas isn't the same without you.
11. I calculate the time in Kandahar every time I look at the clock.
12. I would stay up all night long just to hear your voice on a horrible, delayed connection for two minutes.
13. I love you so much that it hurts.

Merry Christmas, baby. You're in my heart tonight, and every other night for the rest of my life.

Day 12 (Christmas Eve in Afghanistan)

Woke up around noon... Go into work at 9:30pm. It's gonna be a long day.

Turned the wrong way down a one way street today. Sheesh. It would help if they put one way signs somewhere other than 30 feet down the road I'm not supposed to turn on! I had already completed my turn by the time I realized I wasn't supposed to turn!! Jenn and I got a good laugh out of it, though. AND I didn't cry. I'm kicking deployment butt!

It's Christmas Eve for you, now. I wish you were here. I'm considering leaving the tree up until you get home...but I'm just not sure if that makes me sentimental or lazy. :|

Things here are pretty normal, although I do catch myself adding thirteen and a half hours every time I look at the clock. Seems like that's becoming a normal thing to me, too. It's also amazing how much time I have to clean the house when there is nothing I want to watch on tv...mostly because you aren't here.

So, for you, on Christmas Eve, I want to remind you how important you are to me and every other US citizen. You know this makes me cry every time I read it, but it's a reminder to all of us just how much freedom costs.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO
OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS FOR MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."

I love you, Nathan Bradford Thornton. I will never forget all that you've done for me. Hugs and kisses.

Day 11

Getting ready to head to work for shipment/floorset. At least I'm not ringing again today. Holiday shoppers can be so rude! We ran out of coupons yesterday for $10 off a purchase of $35 dollars or more and this lady threw a fit. She wrote down everyone's names and the store phone number. It was ridiculous. Thank goodness it wasn't my customer. I'm pretty sure there are more important things in this world to throw a fit about than a coupon. The girl I was waiting on kept looking at me like "Is this woman for real??"

The puppies say hi. They miss you. They're acting out something awful. I know it's normal, but they're driving me a little nuts. :) I'm going to turn into the "crazy dog lady" before you get home.

I miss you, my love. I'll talk to you soon. Goodnight.

Day 10

"Hiii, Daddy it's Sadie! Ohmygosh we mees you so much! I love youuu! Stop it, Flint, you're stepping on my head! Anyways, Flint got in trouble yesterday for climbing on the table to eats Mommy's popcorms. And he jumped in the Christmas tree when we was playin'. I tried to stops him, but he wouldn't listen. I love you and I miss you! Ok, Flint, go."

"Hi Daddy! Don't believes her she's lying I swear. Daddy, did you know Aunt Jo and Uncle Keith left and Kyler? I mees them. And I mees you too. Kyler was my friend. We liked to cuddles. Oh yeah, they taked Bo wif them. Shelby wants to talk to you now because she's whining like a wookie. I'll talks to you later. Loves you!"

"Hi Daddy, it's me, Shelby! Where are you? Mommy said that you went somewhere far aways so that we could always have a backyard to play in and warm beds. I don't really know what she's talkin' about but she said you was her hero. I tolds her that you is always my hero...and Mommy is my hero too. I'm going to go sleep now. Mommy is tryin to get Kahne to comes out of the kennel to talks to you. I loves you so much. Bye, Daddy! Come on, Kahne!!"

"Daddy, Flint was touching me. I think he gaved me the cooties. Ima need you to tell Mommy to take me to the vet to get them off me, k? I gremlined at him but he wouldn't stop. Mommy said you liked our letters from the other day. I'm glad that we makes you smile. Ok. I has to go lick something now so I'll talks to you later. I loves you sooo much, Daddy. I'll take care of Mommy until you gets home. Bye, Daddy."

We love you, baby. Stay warm, and know that we're rooting for you. We're always in your corner.

I'm so sorry we didn't get to Skype last night. I could feel your disappointment over the phone. Breaks my heart. We'll fix that stupid computer. I promise.

When you look up at the moon, remember that I'm looking at the same moon in the same sky, and I'm thinking about you. All my love, goodnight.

Day 9

I love that I'm getting to talk to you more. It certainly makes my days go faster. Love you and can't wait for you to come home.

Hung out with Jenn after work. We laughed a lot. A lot. I'm trying to stay busy like you asked, but I keep catching myself thinking of what you'd say if you were here and in the conversation. I realize now what a big help it is to be surrounded by other wives who are in the same position... They've all been such a big help... Especially in reminding me that I'm not alone.

I woke up this morning to an empty house for the first time in months. The quiet was unnerving. I guess it hit me today that I'm by myself. I'm doing fine, it was just an odd feeling.

The puppies say hi. They miss you and so do I. Talk to you soon, my sweet boy. Dreaming of your face. Goodnight.

Day 8/Week 2

I'm not gonna lie... It feels like you've been gone an eternity. Today is one of those days when I wish I could crawl under the covers and cry all day. I knew I would have them, but I'm not a fan of this feeling. Everything aches, from my heart, outward.

Leaving Jo, Keith and Kyler at the airport was painful. But she's texting during layovers. Hearing your voice as soon as I got home helped a lot. They should land in Savannah at noon their time, which would be 8am my time and 9:30pm your time. Watch... I'll get this time thing figured out and they'll move you down the road and into another time zone. Lol

Kristin and I had fun tonight. We watched The Help (great movie). Loved it.

That's about all I've got for today. I love you so much. Even though today started off pretty rough, it finished nicely. See? I told you I'm ok. :)

Love you, baby. You're my hero. Be careful and know you're always in my thoughts. Muah. Goodnight.

Day 7

We picked Sarah and the baby up from the airport today. I think she's relieved to be home. Jo and Keith are packed and ready to go. :(

I really don't have much else, so I'll let the pups talk to you for a while.

Daddy, you're the best. I miss you bunches. I've been sleeping on Mommy's head since you left because you aren't here to cuddle wif mee. Mommy spoiled me wif popcorn tonight. She loves me. I love you,



Daddy, I've been feeling a lot better lately. I've only throwed up one time since you left. Mommy said she's proud of me. I mees you. Mommy tries to play with me, but it's not the same as you. Hurry up. Love you,



Daddy, I wants you to come home so I can have cuddles time. I misses you sooo much. I'm makin' sure that all the rest of the kids stay in line and listen to Mommy while you're gone, k? I loves you bunches and bunches! Be carefuls.



Daddy!!! You're my hero and I love you and I can't wait for you to come home so we can play and play and hang on...


I'm back. I heard a noise and had to bark but it was just Bo and I miss you and love you and I'm practicing my tricks for you and I love you,



Well, baby, I hope I get to talk to you tonight. I love you so much and I miss you more than I can say. I worry about you constantly and can't wait to hear your voice. Goodnight, husband. I'm sending you kisses across the miles between us and I'm looking forward to having you in my arms again.

Day 6

Hi, my love!

I'm sure you're hearing the news...you're closer than I am, and most likely were briefed on it as well, but the last US troops crossed the border into Kuwait this morning. All that remain are 200 soldiers to train at the US Embassy, and a handful of Marines. Pat yourself on the back, baby, for a job well done. You are a part of the history of this Great Nation. Operation Iraqi Freedom has come to a close, and I have never been more proud to be an Army Wife, your wife. Today is an historic day, my love, and I wish you were here to hold my hand, just as you were in May when we heard the reports of BinLaden's death. I cried that day, but tonight, I'm thrilled. I pray that you never have to set foot again on Iraqi soil.

I been trying to keep my phone, a.k.a. The Mobile Command Center, fully charged. I can email, FB chat, Skype, Tango, yahoo messenger and talk... All from one centralized location. Short of snail mail and smoke signals, the MCC has it on lock. If I could only keep the battery charged from checking it every 5 seconds, I'd be in business. I wonder how I ever managed to get by without my iPhone. It's nothing, if not efficient.

I started laundry last night. It almost broke my heart to take your towel off the peg and put it in the washer. I'm sure putting away the last of your laundry will be the hardest, though. I've been trying to put it off for as long as possible, but it's time. :(

Kyler will be 5 months old tomorrow. Hard to believe it's been that long since he was born. He and I have had several full-on conversations since you left... Of course, neither of us knew what the other was talking about, but he was happy about it. :)

Sarah and the baby will be home tomorrow, and Keith, Jo and Kyler leave on Monday afternoon. I'm really going to miss them. Fingers crossed that we end up at Fort Stewart next.... Or at least somewhere close enough that we can visit home and visit them, too.

I'm not going to lie...the 15 minute phone call limit is a downer. When it buzzed us I almost cried. How can they expect me to tell you everything I need to say in 15 minutes?? I'm southern, darn it.... I'm long-winded. To be honest, though, I don't even care what we talk about... Just hearing your voice is a balm for me. It just reminds me that everything will be fine because we have each other.

Sleep safe tonight, baby. I love you more than anything in this world and I'm so proud to call you my husband. The pups and I miss you terribly and hope you can come home soon. We're doing just fine, though. And we're all eating, so stop worrying. ;)

Goodnight, my sweet husband. I love you to the moon and back, with all my heart.

Day 5

Murphy's Law of Deployment... Anything that can go wrong, will, as soon as your husband leaves.

No biggie. I got this.

Work was work. Fine enough. No drama. Nothing big.

First taste of a lot of things tonight...wondering aimlessly around the store talking to you because I can't concentrate on groceries while I'm on the phone. First echoing phone connection with a long pause after I speak... I could actually hear myself on your end before you answered me. First cut-off call, ending with nothing but silence on my end. I knew you'd call back, but I know you won't always be able to do that, so I always try to tell you I love you at the very beginning of the call... Just in case I don't get a chance at the end. No panic and no tears when we got cut-off. Score one for me!

Sent you a video of Kyler petting Sadie tonight. She took it like a champ... Very good girl. Shelby said to tell you that her belly is feeling better. She hasn't gotten sick since you left. I'm proud of her. Kahne misses you a lot. Since he can't sleep with you every night, he sleeps on my head. Literally. I've had to scoot down in the bed so I don't disrupt his pillow (are you shaking your head and smiling reading this? I'll bet you are). Flint is my mini-protector. I was watching that video I sent you on YouTube last night, and when he heard that male voice, he went nuts. He knew it wasn't you and he was trying to tear someone up. :) I love our puppies.

I know it's already Saturday afternoon there... 15 hours ahead of me, so do you think that means you're already in day 6 of deployment, or does that go by my time? Hmmm.

I have a few shows to catch up on this weekend, so I'll fill you in as soon as I watch them.

I really hope we get a chance to Skype tomorrow. I can't wait to see your face. I miss you so much, baby.

I guess I'll go to AT&T tomorrow and have your phone suspended. I hate to do that, because it just feels so final, like admitting that you're not here with me, but I know I need to do it. Maybe it will give me my first opportunity to use your orders, or flex my Power of Attorney muscle! Lol

We love you, Daddy. Have a good day, and be safe. We hope we get to talk to you soon. You're our hero!

Love you, baby. Goodnight.

Day 4

I freaking miss you.

I miss the way you lean against the entry way in the kitchen to talk to me. I miss hearing you and Shelby having snoring duels at night. I miss holding your hand. I miss praying with you before dinner, and the way we make fun of stupid commercials on TV. I miss watching the Golden Girls with you before bed. I miss kissing you goodnight and Sadie trying to squirm in between us. I miss you wanting to go to bed at 8pm because you're an old man. ;)

I miss you.

Now that that's been said...
Not much has happened today... Besides my hysterical screaming at the phone fit. I was really mad at myself that I missed your call, and I was convinced that it was my phone, not my finger, that hit the ignore button. I was super ticked and sobbing. The dogs must think I'm insane.... They burrowed under the covers like "oh crap...here it comes." I'd given up and just let the tears go when you called back. It's amazing how just hearing your voice can change my entire mood. I understand, now, when people say that deployments will bring you closer together. I'd love nothing more right now than to be able to kiss your face.

I completely understand why Jo used to freak out every time her phone wasn't right beside her... She and Keith have had to call mine prolly 5 times in the past 4 days. I'm thinking of attaching a strobe light to the case after they leave.

I'm still waiting to hear your voice tonight. Each hour that passes makes me more anxious. I know you'll call when you can, but I still worry.

You're my hero. I'll see you when you've finished your mission. Be safe and smart. Keep your gun clean. I love you so much.

Day 3

Today was hard. Knowing that now you're actually out of the States and on your way over makes me panic a little, even though, distance wise, you won't be much further from me in Afghanistan than you were in Baltimore. 5,538.9 miles. Ironic that you'll be flying around the furthest side of the world, and coming back around toward me. Sometime tonight, you will literally be half a world away, so in a manner of speaking, we can never be physically further apart than we will be in a few hours.

The movers came today for Jo and Keith's household goods. It took them longer than I thought it would considering it was just those couple of rooms. I can only imagine what it will be like when they come in here to move us. I put the dogs in our room while the movers were here. They were less than thrilled. After the guys left and I let them out, Flint sniffed the floor for 30 minutes looking for them.

Our ornament came today. It's really cute. I hung it on the tree by last year's. I took a picture for you of each side.

Sadie has been laying by the front door a lot today. She misses you bunches. Shelby is laying there now. I tried to play with her, but she gave up without getting too rough. I think she's afraid to hurt me... So she went back to attacking Bo. Guess she doesn't care if she hurts him. Lol

I made it through today with no meltdowns. Deployment-2, Stephanie-1. No soup disasters, although I'm going to need you to come home to peel my potatoes, please.

I hope you have the chance to call tonight. I miss your face. Love you so much, baby. Goodnight.

Day 2

So I managed to get out of bed... I guess that's a start. I'm thankful that I'm still able to talk to you fairly regularly right now, but I know that all of that will literally change overnight.

So far, today has been easier than I planned. Maybe having to be sure the pups are taken care of helps, I don't know. I'm going to try to go to the gym today and pick up my work schedule, but I'm terrified that I'll miss a call. When I woke up this morning and I'd missed your texts, I felt like throwing up. :( That feeling was horrible, and I'm sure it will only get worse each time it happens... Just remember that if I don't answer, give it a minute and call me back. I promise I won't leave my phone on silent... I know I'm the worst about doing that. I actually pulled out the clip for my otterbox and I'm wearing my phone on my hip. I'm sure I look like a freak with my phone clipped to my sweatpants, but I'd bet Jo understands. ;)

No nightmares last night. I guess I was so tired that I just didn't dream at all. I hate that you didn't get much sleep on the plane, baby. Your sleep is much more important than mine. I can deal with whatever my brain throws at me, so I don't want you to worry about me. You just stay focused on your mission and keep your gun clean, and I'll handle everything on this side of the world.

Jo and Keith are pre-packing, well basically just moving things around. The movers come tomorrow. It's hard to watch knowing they'll be gone in under a week. Three more people to miss. I know you know that feeling all too well.

The pups say hi. They miss Daddy. Even Shelby tried to sleep in the middle of the bed last night to save your spot for you. They also say to be safe... Mommy is a lot to handle without you here to help. They're starting to realize that you're gone. Sadie whimpers at the door, and Shelby and Flint keep pacing. Kahne has been pretty mopey today...he's always the first to notice when something is off.

My Pillowcase came today. It's a day early....so I guess someone is watching over me. At least it was only one night without it. Maybe I'll sleep better tonight, but something tells me it's just wishful thinking. It's more likely that I won't have a good night's sleep until you're back in my arms. That's ok, though. I'll be all right.

My soup boiled over on the stove tonight. I immediately started bawling. How stupid, right? I'd managed to not cry (other than when I opened the pillowcase) all day, and here I am, standing in the kitchen sobbing at the stove because it's covered in soup! Ridiculous. I'm not the kind of girl that cries about soup. I mean, it's not like your favorite song came on the radio, or there was a Hallmark commercial on TV.... It's just soup. If I'm going to start crying about soup, this is going to be a looooong deployment. ;)

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you,
Remember I'll always be true.
And while I'm away I'll write home everyday.
And I'll send all my lovin' to you."

Home to me is wherever you are. I love you so very much, Soldier. You have all of my heart with you. Goodnight, my love.

Day 1

There is a line from Miss Saigon that's been stuck in my head all day today. They sing "Our lives will change when tomorrow comes..."

Of course, that's not the best choice of musicals for my brain to have on repeat right now, but hey, when has "the right" song ever been the one you can't seem to shake?

I guess the reason that line is staying with me is pretty self-explanatory...all day long it got more and more real for me...like, sending-my-husband-off-to-war-in-a-few-hours real, and that, for lack of a better word, sucked. I tried all day to not sit here and sob uncontrollably. I managed to hold it together pretty well, although I did have a major meltdown on the sidewalk outside that damn airport that I'm growing to hate...thank goodness Jo was there to catch me before I lost it completely. Hardest thing I've ever done...walking away from you tonight.

I've laid down in bed now, after fighting with the dogs for my side, and I doubt I'll sleep much. My eyes are puffy and burning, and my pillow is soaked...we are probably going to need new ones when you get home. I thought about fighting with the dogs again so I could sleep on your side, but I just don't think I have the energy tonight.

I know that being a soldier isn't just your job...it's who you are. I know we will both be fine. I know we will be stronger together after this is over. I know that I'm proud of you, and I know that I love you more than anything. Our lives have changed because of this day, but our life together will only get better from here. Fortunately, God is a planner (like me), and nothing that happens will change his plan for us. God doesn't need a Plan B to account for what the military might throw at us next, and that's just another reason for me to be thankful.

Remember that I'm always right beside you, and if you put your hands together in front of your chest, that's how much I love you (because you have to go from one hand, allllllll the way around your back to the other). :)

All my love, Baby. Goodnight.

Here we go....

I just wanted to let those of you who faithfully read my blog know that for the next few months I'm going to try and do this everyday....for Nate. It may get a bit mundane, so if you don't want to read, it won't hurt my feelings. I just want to try to keep him with us as much as I can, and this is the most time consuming way for me to do that. I appreciate everyone's love, support and prayers, and I ask that you pray for my soldier and all of our troops. May they all come home safe and soon.

Thanks and love,

Wait a minute, Mr. Postman! Can you deliver to 1941?

Letters.  Who writes letters anymore?  My Mama does, but she's an exception to the rule.  Come to think of it, my Mama is just exceptional, PERIOD, but that's a whole other story. <3

I was asked on Facebook yesterday, the 70th Anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor, if I could write a letter to a Military wife from 1941, what would it say?  Well, we all know that it's been months since I posted here and certain people (ahem, James) are hounding me about it, and considering my wonderful husband will be headed to Afghanistan VERY shortly, this really stuck in my head and my heart. What would I say to someone who was in my situation 70 years in the past? 

This is what my heart wrote:

I'm not quite sure where you are or what you're doing right now, but I hope this letter finds you well.
You're probably reading this mid-day, just after the Postman handed it to you as you were waiting for him by the door for news, any news, from your love.  I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I do hope this will give you a bit of strength to carry on with the brave face you show to the world.

You see, I understand the fear that you try to push down daily... the lump in your throat that it is impossible to swallow.  I know how hard it is to sleep while he's gone because I have the nightmares, too, and although few talk about it, you certainly aren't alone.

Things are different in my time. Communication is more readily available to us thanks to the wonders of technology. We can talk to our husbands frequently, and sometimes even see their faces, but at night, I still feel the reality of the loneliness.

In his letters, does he tell you  not to worry, that everything will be fine? I'll bet he writes that he's safe, and bored, and can't wait to get home.  Some things never change.  He doesn't want to scare you, doesn't want you to worry, but you're already worried....and you aren't scared, you're terrified. But you're so very proud of him.

It's easier to hide the terror when you leave the house, because you cover it with pride, don't you? Not that the pride isn't always there, because it certainly is, but it's an easy mask for the worry.  Do you freeze in panic with every knock at the door, and then immediately begin to pray? I know all those feelings.

I'm sure you've thrown yourself into work, trying to stay busy, to pass the time. I pray that it works for you, and I pray that your loved one returns home safely and soon. Have you also dreamed about his return? Planned it over and over in your head...what you will wear, how you will be standing there when he finally sees you in the crowd? Hang on to those dreams...they are so much more comforting and warm than the awful, knock-on-the-door nightmares.

I guess the main reason for this letter is that I want you to know, on this historical day, that you are loved. There are generations of Military wives that respect your courage and know your fear and pain. This great nation owes you so much that could never be repaid, and we, I, thank you for your sacrifice and strength.  You are an inspiration, and I often think, on the difficult days, of the millions of wives who have sent their husbands off to war with the strength to carry a nation on their shoulders, and it makes my day a little easier to bear.

Thank you for your Service. As long as there are men and women willing to stand up and fight for our freedom, there will be loved ones at home who are waiting for their return.