Day 80

I got a dress!! Yay! I can't wait for you to come home and see it. I really think you will love it, babe. P.S. I managed to find it at a consignment shop and it was super cheap. :)

That being said, I'm tired and heading to bed. I love you. Be safe and I'll talk to you soon. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 79

For the most part, Fairbanks isn't so bad. Yes, it's cold, but that's only a problem when you go outside. We have access to most everything that's needed, but sometimes you run into a situation where something specific is needed that isn't readily available in a secluded location.

For example, we have a military ball in July. There is one dress shop in Fairbanks, and it's horrid, not to mention outrageously expensive, so I'm forced to shop online. If you've ever purchased formal attire without trying it on, you know how frightening it can be...and I'm picky. I'm also short. Five inch heels are a standard part of my formal wardrobe.

So I picked out a dress online, on eBay, thinking "If it doesn't fit, I'm not out much money, and I'll resell it."

After working with the seller for over 12 hours to get my Alaska zip code included in her shipping exception, I try to purchase the gown again.... And someone buys it as I'm pressing the buy it now button. Livid.

Seriously? Seriously. Not only is online shopping the ONLY option I have for this ball, I have to fight to get it shipped here, and then some butt head buys my dress! Ticked. Off.

Whatever. I'll find another one. It's just the principle of the matter. I needed to get that off my chest.

Love you, baby, and can't wait for you to come home. I'll meet you in my dreams tonight. Goodnight.

Day 78/ Week 12

Eleven weeks down... Eleven. That totally doesn't seem to encompass the missing you that I've done since you left. Eleven weeks doesn't sound like long enough to cover it. Just sayin'.

So The Bachelor has been a flop of a disappointment this season. Ben is more boring than he was on The Bachelorette, the girls are insanely too good for him with the exception of Courtney who has been the mean, obnoxious girl. She has now realized that she's been ratted out by the other girls and is trying to save face... But I don't think Ben so much cares about her face. He'll pick her for her less, umm, yeah. He'll pick her... Mark my words.

Smash is pretty great. I think you may like it and it's just now starting to get really good. I actually look forward to it each week now. I have The Walking Dead and Survivor saved on the DVR for you, so no worries. I'm waiting until you get home to watch them.

What else? Oh. There was a fire today during Daytona. Montoya's car blew a tire or something and went spinning into the back of one of the dryer trucks on the track. No one was hurt, but the fire was crazy. It took them forever to clean up all that fuel.

Ummm... Yeah. That's all I've got. I love you and miss you, babe. Please be safe. Come home soon. I'm ready to kiss you goodnight again. Muah.

Goodnight, my love.

Day 77

I miss you sooooo much! It just hit me tonight how close you actually are to coming home....I mean it's really soon, baby! I have so much to do! Ahhhh! I've been screaming for the last hour, mostly to annoy the neighbors, but a large part of it was out of excitement.

I absolutely cannot wait to hug you and kiss your face. You mean the world to me, and everything has just felt so empty since you've been gone. I miss my husband.

Be safe. I'll have everything ready when you get home, I promise. I love you with all my heart. Goodnight.

Day 76

Spent today working on the house... One of those days that I wish you were here to help. I could use your muscles. ;)

I can't wait for you to get home, babe. We miss you so much. I've got a ton of reading to catch up on (you're kicking my butt on this book, for once) so I'm going to head to bed and read. We love you. Goodnight.

Day 75

Hi daddy! Guess who?!? It's Shelby! You couldn't guesses could you? I'm sneaky. :) My ears is itchin again so mommy is making me take that pink pill. She thinks she is hidin it in peanut butters, but I'm not dumb. I knows it's there...I just likes peanut butters. I misses you daddy. When you comin home? I wub you. Bye.

Hi, daddee. It's Sadie Mae. I been a good girl. I swears. I misses you. It's been snowin today. Bleck. I don't like the snows cuz I has short legs. I can't even potty wifout my butt getting cold in the snows. Is it cold where you are? I wish I could comes to see you. You've been at work for a long time now, Daddee. When does you get a day off so we can cuddles? I fink I made mommy cry last night. She was layin in bed readin, and I went and layed on her neck like I always do when you is kissin mommy nite nite. I don't know why she cried though. I guess I scratched hers neck. I kissed her and said I was sorry, Daddee. I love you Daddee. Be careful and I'll be waitin right here by the door for you.

Hi daddy it's me Flint. I is just sitting here giving cuddles to mommy. I cuddles wif her all the time now that you isn't here. If I'm not givin mommy cuddles than I is prolly licking the floor to see if sister dropped some food. I has been a really good boy though since you has been gone. I has only had two accidents the whole time! Is you proud of me daddy?? I is tryin to be mommy's bestest friend so she don't get sad. She loves me. I misses you daddy. Be carefuls ok, and will you brings me a toy? Thank you daddy. I loves you. Bye.

I miss you daddy. Please come home because the brother and sisters are getting on my nerves. Oh yeah, it's Kahne, daddy. It's been warmer outside, so I can go out more to catch goblins. I scares them and they scatters and runs away before I can catch them though. I'll catch them before you gets home though, daddy. I promise. Mommy says I should sneaks attacks, but that isn't how you teached me. She don't know what she's talking about anyways. She's just a girl. I wub you daddy. I mees you. Is it times for you to come home soon please? Wub you. Bye.


They love you, babe, and so do I. We miss you. Be safe over there. Finish this mission and come home to us. We'll be waiting. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 74

Ok, ok. I promised the puppies tonight that they could write to you, but I'm going to have them hold on another day...Mama has some things to say.

First off, you know I love you. Completely, unconditionally, whole-heartedly, fully... And however many other adverbs you'd like to throw in there that mean a whole heck of a lot.

Secondly, I have never been both so physically and emotionally dependent on one person. I'm a pretty tough chick. I can fix plumbing problems, re-tile a bathroom, hang drywall, change a shower head, fix the car and paint the house. And I can do all that in heels. My Daddy taught me how to take care of myself. My Mama taught me to be nice, how to cook... And how to walk in heels and not fall on my face. I'm also tough enough to know when I don't have to be strong, and I know that I don't have to be strong with you. I need you. And it takes a tough chick to let down the walls enough to admit that.

Next, I'd like to state, for the record, that you are my partner. I know I don't have to ask you about everything I buy or do, but I want your approval. I want you to be aware of and ok with things. I want you to be included in the decisions that I make from half a world away. Everything that I do while you are deployed still effects you, and I want you to be proud of the way I have conducted myself while you are gone. Even though I don't wear that uniform everyday the way that you do, I still represent you, and the military, and I try my hardest not to do anything that might reflect poorly on either of you.

Finally, you have the hardest job that I could ever imagine doing, so it is my job to support you... And I take my job very seriously. I am here to lift you up, respect you, love you, miss you, welcome you home, stand beside you, cry when you leave, hold it together when it starts falling apart, keep things running, and always have your back. I will do all of those things because it's my job, but I will do it all with a smile on my face because I love you. I am so incredibly proud of you. You are a wonderful man, and I thank the Lord everyday for blessing my life by giving me you to walk beside.

I just needed you to hear all that. I love you, soldier. Goodnight.

Day 73

So I totally don't have much today....
But, Jenn and I watched Breaking Dawn tonight, and it was really good. Soooo much better than the others. I'm actually excited for part 2 to come out.

I love you with all my heart. Be safe, my love, and I will see you soon. I miss you and can't wait until I'm back in your arms. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 72

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Well, during the days when I worry more than usual, or maybe when I haven't heard from you in a while, I keep a picture in my heart. Even though what you are doing on this tour may have nothing to do with this picture, it gives me courage enough to get through the day and know that you are making a difference. You're my hero and I love you.

Day 71/ Week 11

Ok. I'm over it. If I have to see snow for another minute, I may lose it. We have had snow on the ground since October. October, people, so no sniveling in Kentucky about a long winter....I have a weather app, and I know you are flat out lying. 55 degrees is not cold. -55 degrees, on the other hand, is cold. Get over yourselves. Lol

I'm kidding. At least it's finally warmed up to zero. Lol

The UPS man brought my replacement Scentsy incentive warmer today. He rang the doorbell. I almost jumped out of my skin. Seriously. I hate it when that doorbell rings. The dogs go nuts, I get scratched, my hands go numb, my heart beats out of my chest... It's awful. I'm seriously considering putting a sign up that says something like "Unless you have news or gifts, don't ring this bell. Otherwise, text me so I don't release the attack dogs." You think that could work? Yeah, I doubt it, too.

I love you, babe. I'm gonna finish up a few things and head to bed. You're my shining star, and I don't want to live without you. Please be safe and come home soon. I miss you. Goodnight.

Day 70 (10 weeks down!)

Today is Monday for you, which means tomorrow is Tuesday, and you should know more about your profile!

I cleaned today, vacuumed the entire house, and gave all four dogs a bath (not an easy task) before heading to Jenn's for dinner and a movie. And now I'm home and getting ready to start my workout.

The Aurora was out tonight, and it was beautiful. I'll certainly miss that when we leave Alaska. I think it makes me feel closer to you...

I love you to the moon and back. You're my hero and my best friend. Be safe, be smart, stay dry. I miss you, baby. All my love, goodnight.

Day 69

Today was a pretty great day. Since I started using the checklist that we made before you left (and I finally got the printer working again), I've been better able to stay on top of things in small doses instead of getting overwhelmed. Next week's project: the arctic room closet.... Dun dun dunnnnn.

Today's race was awesome! One of the best I think I've ever seen.

I think I ticked off a few people on Facebook today, which wasn't my intention, but I can't please everyone, I guess. On the positive side of that post, a very funny lady who writes a military spouse comic strip "liked" my status, and that made me smile....wonder if she reads my blogs?! ;)

Tomorrow is doggie bath day, but don't tell Kahne. You know how he runs and hides. I'll never get him out of the kennel.

I love you and miss you. Please hurry home, it's lonely here without you. Be safe. Goodnight.

Day 68

Well, that was a productive day. I managed to go to the EFMP appointment, grocery shop, workout twice, have Jenn over for dinner, cut the dogs nails AND do the dishes. And now it's 2am and I'm wide awake. Figures. Lol

The puppies say "hi" and they miss you. Sadie sat by the front door for about an hour this evening. She was waiting on you. It breaks my heart to see her do that, because I completely understand how she feels. Sometimes I feel like sitting by the door to wait for you, too.

I lost a family member today. He was such a sweet man. I knew when Mom called me at almost 1am, her time, that something was wrong. I also knew when I told you that you'd ask if I wanted to go home. I love you so much. Thank you for always having my six.

I go to bed tonight with prayers for loved ones and a heavy heart, but knowing that I now have another angel in my corner. I love you, and miss you. Nights like this are the hardest, but I'll make it through. I know you are thinking of me, and that gives me peace. Stay safe and smart. I love you, soldier. Goodnight.

Day 67

Today, I just want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you. Not only are you a wonderful soldier, but you are an amazing man. I'm so happy to be your wife.

I'm looking forward to finding out where this journey of life will lead us. I've got your six. Always.

I love you, goodnight.

Day 66

So I took about a week off of working out to let my foot heal... And I felt it tonight, believe me. Ouch.

I'm supposed to have an appointment with EFMP either tomorrow or Friday morning at 10, and I can't remember which it is, so I guess I'll have to call over there in the morning and ask. Ugh. I hate when I don't write things down. It drives me nuts... And if that appointment is all that could keep us from getting orders out of Alaska, I'm certainly not going to miss it.

I got a box from Mom and Dad and Aunt Donna today. Some fleece PJs (yay!) and post its, dog treats and a gift for you.

Went to see The Vow with Jenn today. Great movie, and yes, I cried... But I'm the idiot who cried during the happy parts because they made me miss you even more. AND I forgot my Kleenex. What was I thinking?!?

I love you, and miss you so much. I'm kinda tired of this whole deployment thing, so if we could get to praying for world peace, that'd be great. I need you. I know your duty is there, but we miss you. Be safe, soldier. All my love, goodnight.


PS- If I ever suffer from amnesia, make me read these letters to you. ;) That girl in the movie should have kept a journal. Lol

Day 65

So glad I finally got to hear your voice tonight. I'm can't explain how soothing it is to my soul.

The best part of today, besides talking to you, is that I didn't feel like the fact that I was alone on Valentine's Day was thrown in my face all day. I had family call and friends text to check on me, which was nice, but I'm fine... You're my Valentine every single day, and today gone just means that I'm one day closer to you being home.

I love you. The puppies send wags and kisses. They love you, too. We miss you so very much. Muah. Goodnight, Valentine.

Day 64

Happy Valentine's Day, my love.

You are the meatball on my spaghetti, the cheese to my macaroni, the Romeo to my Juliet (with a happier ending).

I miss you!!! Please hurry home... It sucks here without you. I love you with all my heart, and can't wait to see you again. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 63

You've been gone two months, today.

Two years ago, today, I boarded a plane to Alaska... Never imagining how much my life would change.

I remember thinking about ripples in a pond when I was little... About how one pebble starts a chain reaction of ripples that would continue on forever if they didn't reach the shore. Getting on that plane was the pebble... And I'd toss it again in a heartbeat.

I love you. Keep that with you. I'll talk to you soon. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 62

What a lame day. My foot hurts and I literally only got to talk to you for about 30 seconds. I miss you.

I just don't even have anything positive to say tonight, so I'm gonna go read a book.

I love you. You're my everything. Goodnight, soldier. Praying that you're ok tonight.

Day 61

So I called this morning to make an appointment for my heel pain... And they couldn't fit me in for three weeks, so they suggested I go to the ER. Now let me explain to everyone who isn't Nate for a moment, that the ER on an Army post is not only an Emergency Room, but also an after-hours sort of clinic. I still hate going. I hate going to the ER when I don't feel like its an emergency...however, my husband's job gives me the benefit of health care, so when I'm sick or hurt, I use it.

I went. Actually, Jenn and I went. Luckily, she understands that no one wants to sit there for hours upon end alone, so she was my moral support for the evening.

Anyway, I'm supposed to ice and elevate. No bone damage that they can find, luckily, but she said it could take a while to heal. *Sigh*

I miss you bunches and love you more. Can't wait for you to be home. Sleep safe, and I'll find you tonight in my dreams. I love you. Goodnight.

Day 60

What I live for.... See below.

I love you, Nate. Goodnight. Muah

Day 59

So, give or take a couple weeks, we are almost halfway through this deployment. While I realize that this means that you will be home relatively soon, when I think of it being only halfway over, it feels like an eternity. Let me try to explain what I mean....

I can think of you being gone another 8 or 9 weeks, and for me, that's manageable. Two months, although its around the same time frame, feels longer than that to me. But halfway? That just makes me feel awful. Halfway feels like I have to relive everyday that you've been gone...and that feels like forever. 'Halfway' means I'm looking back instead of moving forward, it means I'm repeating what we've been through instead of looking ahead to what is coming.... And what the future holds for us. I'm so excited for you to come home, and 'halfway' doesn't do that justice.

I miss you so much and I love you with every bit of my soul. You are the reason that I want to get out of bed in the mornings, and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. Be safe. Be smart. Come home soon. I need you.

Goodnight, soldier.

Day 58

Another day down, baby.... One day closer to having you in my arms. One day closer to seeing your face.

I miss you more than I can ever explain. Sometimes in the evenings, I think about the things we would have done today, or the conversations we would have had if you were here. Would it have been a good day, or a tough one?

Tonight we had good Internet service. I can't remember the last time I could actually see you talking to me, instead of a still picture once every 30 seconds or so. I'm not complaining... I'll take still shots if that's all I can have, but it's nice to see you actually moving around and smiling.

The kiddos and I are headed to bed. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to you not being here to kiss me goodnight, and bedtime is the hardest for me. I try to go quick and not think too much about it, but I usually end up lying awake for a while.

I love you to the moon and back. Sleep safe, and I'll be thinking of you. All my love, goodnight.

Day 57/Week 9

It's hard for me to fathom that you've been gone 8 full weeks. It seems so much shorter when you count the weeks, as opposed to days... But believe me, it feels like an eternity.

Jenn came over tonight for our weekly Bachelor viewing. We always sit and talk after the show for a while about those random things that we go through that spouses outside of this life will never understand. The reality is that we face things as part of our normal lives and conversation that others will only imagine in their worst nightmares.

How many times before you left did we start discussions with the words "I know this is not something you ever want to talk about, but we have to..."? Those are the worst, and they make me cry, but it's part of our life together. Bizarre part about that is that it brings us closer together.

It's kind of the same with the wives. We have a common ground that we will always share. Sure, our relationships with our husbands are different, but we know the same loneliness, the difficulties, the heartbreak. Just as you have your battle buddies, I have mine. We fight a different war, and we are just as ready as you are for that war to end. The sweetest part of deployment for us, is the day your boots hit US soil. We just want you all to come home... That's when we can lay down our armor.

Around my neck I wear your dog tags and your wedding ring. I will wear them until you take them from me. They are a constant reminder that you are always with me, and that this is only temporary... And it IS only temporary. We're almost halfway through this mess of a first deployment! The Lord will see us through this, and we are already stronger and more in love because of it.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. There isn't a five minute period that passes when I don't think of at least three things I want to tell you... And of course, by the time I talk to you, I've forgotten most of them. You carry all of my heart with you. Please keep it safe. I love you more with each breath I take. Be smart.

Goodnight, soldier. I'll see you in my dreams tonight. I love you.

Day 56

Wow. It's late.

Shelby bout gave me a heart attack this morning. I think she was sleepwalking. She fell straight over in the middle of the floor and I swear I thought she was dead. I was screaming. It was awful, but she just looked up at me like "Mom, why you yelling?" Scared me to death.

You surprised me mid-day with a couple minutes to chat. It was wonderful and unexpected. I love you so much. It made my day. :)

The Super Bowl was tonight, but I didn't watch. Pittsburgh wasn't playing, and it's just not the same without you here....

I love you, babe. The pups say hi. Hurry home before Shelby starts to think it's funny to scare the crap out of Mommy. ;)

Goodnight, soldier. Sleep safe. I love you.

Day 55

So to tell you a bit more about yesterday.... Jenn and I went to see The Woman in Black and then we went and had our nails done. While we were out, it snowed about 4 inches on top of what I couldn't shovel the day before.

Today, well, I made an attempt at shoveling the snow, but it just kept blowing around so I called it a day. I watch UK dominate, went to the grocery, played with the kiddos, worked out... Now I'm just waiting to talk to you.

I miss you, baby. You are the light of my life. I'm not sure what I would do without you, so you have to be safe. I love you more than I can express. I hope to hear from you soon.

Goodnight, my love.

Day 54

I'm not feeling very well tonight... Too little sleep and too much movie popcorn, I think.

I'm so glad that you loved the video, baby. I'd have stayed awake for a week to make it for you, just to know that it touched you.

I'll go over more of my day today when I write tomorrow's blog. Sorry. Just not feeling great and I need to go to sleep.

I love you so much. I have you in my prayers, and I'll meet you in my dreams. Goodnight, my love.

Video

I did a video of pictures from home for you. I love you, babe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAwGYZEl7Bs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Day 53

So it warmed up to about zero today, and I had the brilliant idea to go shovel the driveway out of the polar blanket that had accumulated over the past month. What. A. Disaster.

15 minutes in I had managed to shovel a two foot wide path from the road to the garage door. 35 minutes and I had cleared a path from in front of the explorer to the front door. One hour in gave me 2/3 of the driveway.

I went inside after an hour to warm up. My scarf was frozen. My hat was frozen. My gloves were frozen. And I had burned 340 calories.

I went back out after an hour to try and finish. Unfortunately, Anywhere there has been tires is packed down and unwilling to move for me. I am, however, proud to announce that there is no longer a foot of snow in our driveway.... More like three inches of non-budging, severely packed snow that can stay until it decides to melt. I can now get into the garage, take out the trash cans, and dance in the driveway if I desire without sinking to my knees in snow. :)

All I can say about that is ouch. Ouch. Major Owie. My back is already stiff and I have a feeling that my arms will be immobile tomorrow, but at least it is finished... Until we get more snow anyway. *sigh*

I can't wait to talk to you tonight. I look forward to it so much that becomes the highlight of my days. I love you, babe, and can't wait for you to be here with us. You are my sunshine....

Goodnight. I love you.

Day 52

I had a pretty good day today. My good day started with you... Thank you for making time to chat with me for a minute this morning.

Jenn and I ran around town all day and managed to get a few errands finished, then we had our weekly "Bachelor" session which always involves a ton of laughs. I think maybe these girls got a double dose of crazy for this season, and it may be rubbing off on Bachelor Ben.

That's about all I have for today... Just waiting to talk to you. I miss your face. I REALLY miss your face. I love you, soldier. Goodnight.

Day 51

I love being able to talk to you. I know we don't get much time, but when we do, well, it just makes my heart smile. I love every minute of being your wife, and I wouldn't trade a moment... Not even the hard ones.

I know you down-play a lot of things so that I worry less. I'm sure you get far fewer warm showers than you tell me. I know the tent that you're sleeping in has to be freezing if you sleep in a sweatshirt, sweatpants and under a blanket. I also know that there are things that have happened that you can't tell me about...yet. But I know why you do it. And even though I would give anything to be with you right now, you do this so that I don't have to, and so I worry a little less than I should.

Thank you. Thank you for being my hero. You amaze me every single day, and I love you more than the world.

Goodnight, my love. I'll meet you in my dreams.