Day 50

Hi daddy! It's Kahne! I miss you sooo much. I been doin good tho. I's a good boy, cuz Mommy said so. It's really cold here and I don't like to go outside, but I still drive Mommy nuts pacing back and forths to the door. I love you Daddy. Please call soon. Kisses.

Hi Daddys. It's Flint and I loves you and misses you. Mommy said that you was scared that I wouldn't be a daddy's boy no more, but you don't has to worry abouts that. I loves you. I'll always be a daddy's boy okay? I gotta go lick the floor now but I'll talk to you soon. I wub you!

I loves you, Daddy. It's me, Sadie Mae. I been wearing my outfits like I tolds you I would so I can practice for bein Miss Americas when I gets bigger. I priss around the house just like those pretty girls did on the tv. Mommy said I would win the talent contest because I can do my spin and sit down really well now. I love you do much Daddy. Be carefuls over theres. You misses us? Because I sure misses you. Love you Daddy, bye bye.

Daddee, it's Shelby. I loves you a bunch. I been taking care of Mommy. We works out together. She has this brown squishy that she lays on and I lays on it too. She says I's doin yogurt. I likes yogurt. It's fun. But I don't think it's makin me no skinnier like it is mommy. That's ok tho. I don't needs to be skinny. Hurry home before mommy gets all upsets again ok? We misses you a lot, but I'm tryin to be tough for her. I love you daddy. Be safe.

I can't believe it's been 50 days since I have seen that handsome face. I miss you so much babe. Tonight is one of those tough nights, and I have no clue what makes some more difficult than others. Please be safe and smart. Keep your gun clean. Keep your chin up and your head down, and stay focused on your mission. I'm holding down the fort while you are gone, and I love you more than you can ever know.

Goodnight, soldier. All my love is with you.

Day 49

So today I got up, washed dishes, took out the trash, vacuumed the carpet, shampooed the carpet (wish you had been here for that), cleaned out the fridge (eww), hung out with Jenn, did my week 1 pics and measurements, and now I'm waiting to talk to you. :)

I'm so excited about the differences I'm noticing since starting this workout program. I usually burn out quickly because it takes so long to notice results... But not this time. I can't wait for you to get home so you can see the change! :)

I miss you so much, my love. It's so hard to be here without you. Some days I feel like I drag around this weight of sadness that I just can't shrug off my shoulders. Everything is just heavy on those days. Staying busy certainly helps, and I have plenty to keep me that way. I just miss you.

I love you with all my heart. Be safe. Come home to me soon... I'll be right here waiting. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 48

I can remember reading something a while back about a mother in law who said to her son's wife during deployment, "If something happens to him, you can find another husband... But I can't have another son."

The thought of someone ever saying that to one of my fellow military spouses makes me want to scream. The fact that I witnessed something very similar today, made me want to throw up (p.s. don't read too much into this, I haven't even spoken to my MIL today).

How can anyone EVER claim to know someone else's feelings or love for another person?? I'm sorry babe, but I'm going to rant for a minute.

I love you with every ounce of my heart. I really don't care who knows that, nor do I care what they think or feel about it. END of STORY. Do people not realize what they say? How can people be so insensitive and chauvinistic to believe that they can know what mine or anyone else's heart feels? Do people think that belittling someone else's feelings, proves that they hold more love for someone? I had to pick my jaw up from the floor. And I pray that nothing like that is ever said to another person. Rant over.

This was going to be a letter from the puppies, but they are upset, too, so they said they would try and write tomorrow instead.

It's been really, reallllllyyyy cold. -50 today. No fun.

I love you so much, and don't ever doubt that. Please take care, babe. You're my best friend and the love of my life. Goodnight, soldier.

Day 47

I can't eat that much. I can't do it. There is no way that I can eat a healthy 1200 net calories a day. If I throw in a piece of cheesecake? Yes. But I really don't think that will help me accomplish my booty goals. It's frustrating. So I am refusing to stress about it. I'll do the best I can, work out, and I'm sure it will be fine.

Anyway. I miss you. It's been a good day... But I always look forward to hearing your voice before bed. It's the best part of the day for me. I'm excited to get you home and I can't wait to be back in your arms. It seems like I find something new every day that I miss about you.... Today I miss the way that you let the pups cuddle all over you. I think they miss that, too.

Please be safe, and if you ever need a hug, just put your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right, and squeeze. I promise that I'll be thinking of you right at that moment. I'm always with you.

I love you so much, baby. You are my hero. Goodnight, my love.

Day 46

I was so happy to hear your voice last night that I nearly jumped up and down with excitement. I think I may have actually squealed when my phone rang.

Anyway, it was a pretty good day here. Worked out twice already and I'm geared up to go to the gym with you tonight, too. I swear I will be an even hotter version of you're hot wife when you get home. ;) I'm determined.

So I didn't realize that I had to eat 1200 NET calories a day. That's 1200 after the ones I burn working out. That's a lot of food for me. I'm not exactly sure that I can eat that much that isn't junk. I tried today, but it's really difficult.

Anyway. I love you bunches. We miss you and can't wait for you to come home. Be careful over there. Goodnight.

Day 45

I hate this. I hate days when I can't talk to you.

I woke up this morning after working until 2am, ready to start my day with you. I didn't get the usual "Hey, baby! How did you sleep?" No response.

I thought, "Ok, the Internet is down... I'll go back to sleep for a while."

Thirty minutes later, nothing. An hour later, still nothing. At noon I woke up and started bawling for no reason.

I know that I drive myself crazy when this happens. I know. But knowing that if it's not just an Internet blip, something has happened for them to shut down communication, is the worst kind of fear. I carry it around. It's like a ghost that will haunt me until I hear your voice.

And I am sure you are fine. I know that you are tough, and I know that you will protect yourself because I depend on you. But now I'm left with the awful "Please don't let it be Nate," prayers that leave me feeling guilty, because if someone has given their life for my freedom, I'm praying that it's someone else's husband, or son, or father, and that prayer is no comfort to me.

So I pray for your safety, and your courage, as well as my own courage and strength. I know that if you could call right now you would tell me that you're fine. To stop worrying because you promised you'd be careful. That you love me and can't wait to come home.

But these are the worst days. I hate these.

I understand why you love being a soldier. I understand that you want to make this world a little more safe for myself, and our children and grandchildren. You have one of the strongest senses of duty that I have ever seen, and I take great pride in calling you my husband.

G.K. Chesterson said, "The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” I know this is true for you. And this quote always makes me cry.

I love you, soldier. I love that you are willing to do what it takes to make this country and my life better. I love that you will always be able to stand tall and proud because you do what most only talk about. I love your faith in God and your faith in me. And I love your heart. Thank you for loving mine.

I pray to hear from you soon. All my love.

Day 44

I love and miss you. More than you know.

Day 43 / Week 7

I hate it when a day starts out really well, then turns all ugly and weird.

Missing you a lot tonight. The lonely is creeping in. Turned on all the lights , but it's not really helping.

I love you. 6 weeks down....

Be careful over there, please. Hugs and kisses. Goodnight, Soldier.

Day 42

Let the two-a-day workouts begin! I feel pretty good about this morning's, and I'm ready to go to the gym with you tonight (Nate and I "go to the gym" together every night.... It keeps us on a schedule and keeps us closer).

I'm excited. I took my "before" pics tonight, and weighed in. All that's left tomorrow after it gets here is measurements. I'm stoked to see how it all turns out!

Anyway. Love you bunches, goodnight!

Day 41

I'm coining a new phrase today. Deployment codependency/connectivity. This would be the state of being so emotionally connected or dependent on another person that their mood dictates your own.

You and I are typically like this....maybe most married couples are, but it's much more intense when your entire day is made or broken on a phone call. I know that we both do the absolute best we can, but we both have bad days and days that are better. On the bad days, it's hard for the other person to shake that funk as easily.

Every single day, I look forward to talking to you. If that conversation doesn't go perfectly, I worry. I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway.

I'm not sure anyone outside the military life knows what that's like.... Telling you that I love you at the beginning of the conversation instead of the end, in case the phone cuts off.... Knowing that if you are stressed, you can't tell me why... And in reality, although neither of us wants to admit it, that this phone call could be our last. We always try to leave things on a positive note, but if I sense stress, or if you're simply having a bad day, I don't do well until we talk again.

And I know it's not your fault... I have bad days, too, I just find it interesting that someone 5,000 miles away can effect my mood so entirely. I also know a large part of this is that I love you and when you are happy, I am happy, and when you aren't, I want to fix it.

Regardless of our moods, I love you more each day. I cannot imagine my life without you in it, and I think of you every moment. Take care of yourself and come home soon. I love you so very much. Goodnight.

Day 40

What a day.

The neighbors were at it again at 4am. I woke up to Shelby standing over me in the bed, growling. She was really upset, and I can't blame her...it sounds like they are tearing the walls down.

Then Flint puked on my foot. In bed.

I had heartburn all night, no idea why.

On FB this morning, some chick posted that she wanted to send her husband (in Afghanistan) an edible arrangement. An edible arrangement is fruit cut into flower shapes on a stick. Thank goodness someone informed her that you can't send fruit overseas before I was able to ask her why in the heck someone would want to eat two week old moldy fruit, even if you could send it?!? Stupid people....

Truck was unplugged when I went out to start it. Thank God it started after a few hours of being plugged in.

Went to Walmart and parked normally. When I came out, an idiot in a huge jacked-up Dodge had parked so close to my door that I had to climb in through the passenger side. Best part is that she was sitting in the truck the entire time. I honked my horn and gave her a not so friendly wave on the way out.

Took a nap.

Babysat. Ariana screamed the first two hours she was here. I tried everything. Poor thing. I have no idea what was wrong. The only time she stopped crying was to eat. It broke my heart.

So thankful that I got to talk to you at the end of the day. No matter how bad my day has been, I'm sure yours was worse, but you unfailingly warm my mood. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe without you, other times I feel like I have to breathe because of you. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me. All my heart, soldier. Goodnight.

Day 39

We chatted for a long time last night, and by the time I made it to bed, the blog had totally slipped my mind.

I knew you would notice, but when I woke up at 4am from an awful dream that reminded me I had forgotten, I didn't think many others would be effected by my miss. I was mistaken.
I was humbled today to learn that several people follow my ramblings to you...more than I would have imagined. I thought most would lose interest when I started this, but it seems that I was wrong.

I know that you are writing to me as well, and I can't wait to read your letters. You and I have spoken several times about, but I can't remember mentioning it here, printing these and combining them with yours when you come home...as our love story. Hopefully our children will want to look back at these one day and see how much in love their parents were.

It was warmer here today, although not by much. It's -31 as I'm writing this. I had to go out and rescue Flint and Shelby from the ice monster today. He tricked them...made them think it was warmer this morning, then pulled the proverbial blanket off this evening. It has dropped 15 degrees in 3 hours.

They're all fine, though. Nice and toasty on the couch, my lap or by the heater, depending on which one you're looking for...

The neighbors are starting to drive me nuts. The beating and banging on the walls starts about 11pm and ends around 4am. It gets the dogs worked up, and when they get worked up, I get nervous. I may start getting up around 0630 and learn how to play the drums. Maybe that will make them rethink their volume control. ;)

Anyway, I will talk to you very soon, my love. You're always in my heart, and you have the biggest piece of me there with you. We love you to the moon and back, and miss you just as much. You're our hero.

Goodnight, soldier.

Day 38 1/2

I'm sorry!!!

I'm sorry! I fell asleep and forgot. I was totally bummed about it and even had a nightmare that included Nate's safety being compromised because I forgot to blog.

I will do better. I promise. ;)

Keep reading. Hugs.

~Steph

Day 37

Is it sad that I get excited over every FRG email that mentions reintegration? My heart actually skips a beat at the thought of you coming home. I feel sorry for those couples who will never know that feeling...the feeling of a deployment homecoming. I'm excited, nervous, scared and overjoyed.... And it's still months away! :)

I miss you so much, babe. Sometimes it feels like years since you left... And other times, minutes. The worst is when I wake up dreaming you are here... I can taste the disappointment when the reality sets in. It scares the puppies, I think, when I sit up in bed looking for you like that. They get confused, then they start looking for you, too. Breaks my heart.

I woke up to Kahne licking my face at 4am a few days ago. I'm not sure if I was talking in my sleep or crying, but he was taking care of me in the only way he knew how. We have such good babies.

The Bachelor is getting super dramatic already this season.... You're going to crack up watching it. The Walking Dead should be starting again soon, but I'll save those to watch with you. I don't think you will miss many other shows... Maybe SYTYCD, but if you do, I'll save those, too.

I already feel better on our little health kick. Glad we finally got to where we needed to be with that. We will get there. I can feel it.

Ok baby, I'm going to bed. I love you to the moon and back. Sleep safe, be careful, and keep your weapon clean. Love you, goodnight, soldier.

Day 36/week 6

5 weeks down!
We're through the first month, my love!! I know it's been rough, but we are getting there. We have so many plans and fun times to look forward to when you get home, that these next months will fly.

I left the tv on in the bedroom last night, and forgot to turn it off this morning. It was on NatGeo as I was getting ready for bed. Noticing that made me smile because I know how much you love that channel... And then I noticed what was on NatGeo... A documentary on Bin Ladin's death. It was so intriguing that I stopped and watched. I just sat down on the foot of the bed and stared at the tv.

It was showing IR footage of the raid that night, and footage the next day of the compound on small cameras like the one you have with you. Crazy.

It took me back to the night in May when we watched the President report Bin Laden's death on tv. I cried as you stood with your arm around me. This deployment had just begun... I was so relieved that the horrid man was dead, but frozen in worry for all of our friends. I knew you wished you were over there that night, but I said a prayer of thanks that you weren't.

That was much more of an emotional night for me than I would have ever imagined. I was terrified. I could almost hear the sighs of relief from around the country.... But it almost felt like the nightmare was just beginning for us. I guess that with my life rotating within and around the military, I just look at and feel things differently now.

Taliban is a household word now, but for most people it's not used much anymore. For me, I hear that word in my mind multiple times a day. While they may be an organization that hit us on our home turf 10 years ago, and we killed their leader, they are not to be pushed to the back of our minds.

I wish I had the luxury of forgetting about them. I wish you did, too, but I guess it is you that provide that luxury of forgetting for so many others. I'm thankful that what you do over there allows others to sleep easy, and I know that you never do. Sleep easy, that is.

I love you so very much. I live each day looking forward to the day I will see your face again, and throw my arms around you. I catch myself daydreaming about your homecoming.

We miss you. Be safe, soldier. All my love, Goodnight.

Day 35

I worked floorset tonight. I'm exhausted and going to bed.

We love and miss you, Daddy. Can't wait for you to come home.

What I wouldn't give to cuddle right now.

Hugs and kisses. Stay safe. Goodnight.

Day 34 1/2 (love, Sadie Bug)

Hi daddy. It's me, Sadie. Mommy said you might be havings a hard day, so I asked hers if I could write to you and tells you that I loves you and misses you so much.

Daddy, you are all of our hero. We think abouts you all the time and can't wait for you to get back home. Mommy is doin ok. I promise. She cuddles wif us all the time and takes care of us real good.

It's been reawly cold here at home. Mommy had to run outside to gets me twice yesterday and once today becawse I was freezin. My feets wouldn't works anymore. I's ok though.

The brothers and seester says hi. We is watching Miss America wif mommy. Miss America said that she went to visit the troops. Did you gets to see her? She is pretty like mommy. You think I can be Miss Americas one day?I'll start practicin wearin my different outfits around the house so maybe I can wins one day. I can walk prissy like those girls...mommy said so. She also said that some of those girls had a big booty likes me. That's good, right?

Well daddy, I hopes you is safe. I'll keeps you warm and cuddles you to death when you gets home. I loves you so so so so muchness.

Loves,
Your Tater Bug

Day 34

I went to work this morning to work on shipment instead of going to floorset tonight. I know I shouldn't complain... At least I'm not trudging through muddy moon dust in Afghanistan.

I'm sure you're soaked and frozen solid. I hate that. I wish I could be there to cheer and warm you up. I have no doubt that rain soaks all of your spirits, too, not to mention takes out communication which makes it even harder to find a bright spot.

I do miss you, though, and I love you. Never forget that. Praying that you'll get a hot shower tonight and that communication will be back up so I can tell you goodnight.

I'm a little down tonight, but I'll be ok. Just worried about you. Love you, baby. I hope to talk to you very soon.

Hugs and kisses, soldier. Goodnight.

Day 33

I ran some errands today. By the time I got home, the temp had dropped from -25 to -38. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to explain to someone what it feels like when your eyeballs start to freeze.

I was going to shovel the driveway, but when I realized it was so cold, I put it on hold. If I get frostbite, I know you'll kill me, so I'll avoid that until it warms up a bit.

I talked to Mom and Dad for quite a while tonight, and Aunt Donna. They all send their love. It snowed at home, so Uncle Rudy has been over at Toyota. It's been really cold there, too. Wind chill of -1 or so. That's arctic for home. I bet there isn't a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread in any grocery store in Kentucky.

Haha! That made me laugh at myself. :)

Anyway, I know you're doing ok, I just miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back, soldier, with all my heart. We miss you, and can't wait for you to come home. Goodnight.

Day 32

Just want you to know how much I love you. The stuff you ordered for me was great. I loved it all. :) Thank you, Baby.

This is gonna be another short and sweet blog because I'm super tired tonight, but everything is good here. We all love and miss you, and the pups and I are already brainstorming your return home (I'm providing the brain, but they bring the storm lol).

Fun times ahead, just get home safely. Love you, soldier. You're my hero. Goodnight.

Day 31

Yep. Forgot to blog yesterday. :(
I was so tired last night that I went to bed at like 9:30.
Anyway, it's 4:30 am, here, so I thought I'd just put in a quick note.

Had my hair done yesterday and I love it so much!

And you've been gone a month today. :(

I love you, soldier. You're the best. Goodnight.

Day 30

Yesterday marked 4 weeks that you've been gone. sometimes it feels like yesterday....sometimes it feels like its been years since I've kissed your face. It certainly hasn't been easy, and I'm sure it hasn't for you, either, but I feel like we are closer than we have ever been. We are definitely on the same page, and I'm so ready to see what is in store for us next. Mission #1...out of Alaska. Please. It's beautiful, but I'm ready to move on.

The kiddos want to say hi.

Hiiii Daddee!! It's Sadie Mae. I misses you. Mommy made a blanket and she won't lets me lay on it. She hanged it on the wall and I can't reach it. Why would she hang a Sadie-sized blankie on the walls? She's losin it. Hurry up so you can fixes her...and get me that blankie please.

Daddy, it's Flint. I loves you and misses you and Sadie's being a brat and chewing on my ears again. I growled at her tho and mommy got mad at her for pickins on me. I love mommy. She's a good cuddler. I sleeps wif her every night that you aren't here to keeps her warm, ok? I love you daddy, bye.

Hi, Daddy, it's Shel. I miss you, daddy. I can't plays wif mommy like I can wif you. She says "no, Shelby, that hurts mommy." I don't wants to hurt mommy so I'll just wait for you, okay? So hurry up, please. I love you, Daddy. Please be safe. Mommy cries when she thinks you aren't safe. We're runnin out of tissues. Bye daddy. Huggies.

Hi daddy, it's me, Kahne. Shelby has stinky gas, and Flint climbed up on the table when mommy went upstairs and knocked over mommy's blanket pins and scared her. She kept looking at his feets. Idk why. But I was barking to gets her attention because I knowed he wasn't supposed to be up there. I's a hero like you daddy! I saved Doodle from gettin hurted! Anyways, I loves you and miss you. Be careful daddy.

Love and miss you, babe. Talk to you soon. Goodnight.

Day 29/week 5

Haven't talked to you since Saturday, and I know what that means. No news is good news.... But someone else's family got news, I'm sure. The worst kind of news. My heart is aching for someone tonight, and I'm not even sure if I've ever met them.

I'm writing these letters to you, and I know you read them everyday. While they may be going on the blog, I'm not going to censor my fear and worry because it may scare someone. That being said, I know that while you may be "relatively safe" on the FOB, I'm not kidding myself into believing that you can't be hurt. Believing something can't or won't happen doesn't protect you from it. We always used to joke "hope for the best, prepare for the worst," but there is so much truth in that. Ignoring the danger doesn't lessen it.

I know that many people believe that because we no longer have a presence in Iraq, and there is talk of pulling out of Afghanistan, that it's relatively safe, and we should pull out and come home. 20 deaths from a very small brigade in 8 months....that's not relatively safe. It's a WAR ZONE.

I can't understand how I'm supposed to just swallow that fear. I can manage the fear, just like I can manage an illness or wound. I can cover it up, push it down, stay busy to not think about it...but that doesn't make it go away. And it's going to creep back up at times when I least expect or want it to rear its ugly head.

I know that you're scared, too, and that fear keeps you alert. I'm glad for that, because I need you to come home unharmed. I know the danger you are in is very real, and I'm praying will all I've got, not just for your safely, but for the safety of all of you. I also pray that you know how much love you carry with you everywhere you go.

You're my hero. Please be careful. You're protecting my heart, too, so I need you to bring that back to me in one piece. I love you, soldier, with all my heart. God speed. Goodnight.

Blue Star Flag

Here's the story behind the Blue Star Flag:

The Blue Star Flag, also called a service banner, can be displayed by any immediate family member (wife, mother, father, sibling, child, step parent, step child, half sibling) of an active duty service member during a time of war (I didn't forget grandparent, the government did. Grandparents are not on the list). There should be a blue star for each family member in active duty. A gold star may be displayed if a family member died during active duty.

It should be hung vertically, with the single point of the star pointing upward, in the front window of the immediate family member's home (We don't have a front window, but we did at our old house, and that's where I displayed it).

The service banner was designed in 1917 by an Army Captain who had two sons serving in WWI. It was quickly adopted by the public as a way to honor their family members who are serving in the United States Armed Forces during a time of war. It was used mainly during WWI and WWII, and infrequently during the Vietnam Conflict, I would assume due to public contempt. It's popularity increased again during the Gulf War.


These flags are made to honor your loved ones! Display them proudly!

Day 28

I'm not going to lie...I'm worried to death. I haven't heard from you all day. I know you'll probably call soon and tell me that I shouldn't worry, that communication was down and you're fine. But I can't help it. I love you and I'm worried.

Now is when the lump sits at the back of my throat and I feel like I can't breathe.

I've been working on our flag all day. It's completely pieced and ready to quilt. I'll probably finish it tonight if I don't hear from you...doubt I'll sleep.

I've been praying all day. James was online earlier, so I guess the fact that they haven't shut down communication is a good sign...maybe it's just your FOB that's out.

I love you and hope to hear your voice soon. Be safe, baby. All my heart. Goodnight.

Have you ever wondered?

There are a number of things about the military that intrigue me. I love history and the military is rich in tradition. I often find myself asking my husband questions about this and that... Some he answers quickly, others, I get a blank look that means "I have no idea. Why are you asking me that?"

One such question popped into my head shortly after Nate and I married. He was putting on his uniform one morning, as he did everyday, and the flag on his right arm caught my interest. "It's backwards," I said. He immediately looked down to check his undershirt...making sure the tag was at the nape of his neck. "No. The flag. It's backwards." I got the look. The what-the-heck-are-you-talking-about look.

"Baby," I explained, "the flag on your arm. It's backwards. Why is it backwards?"

I love our flag. I could draw it in my sleep, and darn it, I know for a fact that the blue field of stars is on the left as you are looking at it. His flag's stars were on the right. I was perplexed. This was a military uniform. Surely they knew which side the stars were supposed to be on, so how did they manage to screw that up?

Nate mumbled something about it being on the right side and retreat, followed with an exasperated "I don't know, baby. I've got to go to work, and I can't remember right now."

Retreat? What? Right side? Of course they were on the right. That was my problem.

I googled it. When all else fails, google knows the answer. What did we ever do before the Internet? Oh yeah, encyclopedias. Haven't seen one of those in 15 years.

This is what I found: There are two types of flags that are made to be worn on a military uniform...one has the blue field of stars on the left, the other has the field on the right. The reason for the difference is that the blue field of stars should always be to the front, like the flag is moving forward.

Imagine that the soldier is a flag pole. As he moves forward, depending on which side of him you are standing, the blue field will always be to the front because it is the side attached to the pole. As long as the flag is moving forward, the blue field is to the front. So, the "traditional" flag patch, with the blue field on the left, is made to be worn on the left shoulder, while the "reversed" flag, with the blue field on the right, is made to be worn on the right shoulder.

If the "traditional" patch were worn on the right shoulder, the blue field would be to the rear of the soldier (moving backward) and therefore symbolically showing retreat. Retreat equals not good in military speak and very not good for pride and tradition.

Ok. So this made sense. But why was there only a flag on the right shoulder, and not the left?

I discovered that, for the Army at least, the flag goes on the soldier's right because the position of honor is to his/her right. On ACUs, it is placed on the top flap of the Velcro shoulder pocket, with the combat patch from the soldier's previous combat unit (if they have deployed) below the flag. If they have never deployed, there will be no unit patch on the right shoulder. On the left shoulder, the soldier will wear the patch of their current division or brigade.

All that being said, I've learned a lot about flags over the past two years. Did you know that if you hang a flag vertically, with the stripes pointing toward the floor, that the blue field of stars should be on the left side, facing the flag? Looks backward, doesn't it? But it goes back to the position of honor. If I was the flag, the position of honor would be to my right, so that is where the stars should be placed.

I can remember trying to explain all of this to Nate when he came home from work that evening... I was so excited! His response? "Oh, yeah. I knew that."

Sheesh. Why didn't he just tell me that and save me the trouble? Men. ;)

Day 27

Hi Daddy, it's Shelby. I've been feeling lots better, how are you? Flint pooped in my kennel the other night. It was really gross. Mommy had to washes my blanket twice to try and get the gross out. It's ok now tho, but the washer ate the corner of it and the stuffins are comin out. I swears I was the washer. It wasn't me who ate it.
I miss you, Daddy. Come home soon, ok? I love you.


Daddy, it's Sadie. Mommy said I'm prissy. What is prissy? She didn't splain it to me. I misses you. Mommy gets sad sometimes so we tries to cheer her up. Are you coming home soon? She won't let me and Doodle sleep on her like you do, Daddy. We has to sleep besides her. I loves you, Daddy. Bunches. Be careful.


Hi, Daddy! It's me, Kahne. I has a new trick. Every time mommy says I needs a bath, I run to Shelby's kennel and hides in the very back so she can't get me. Pretty cool, huh? I talked to nana on the phone the other day. I got excited and licked the phone and it hanged up on her. Mommy said I'm not allowed by the phone when you call now. She's afraid I will hanged up on you, too. Shelby has gas. I misses and loves you, Daddy. Come home soon so we can cuddles and play.


Daddy!! Hi Daddy! I misses you!! You're the bestest Daddy in the whole wide world! Today I slept and ate and played and napped and played and napped and ate and napped wif Mommy. We had fun. Mommy played smushy face wif us. I don't really like that game, but it makes her happy so I played it anyways. I've only had free accidents since you've been gone. Are you proud of me? Somebody pooped in Shelby's kennel the other night (I thinks it was Sadie) and Mommy had to wash the blankets. It wasn't me, though. I promise. Mommy is doin good at takin cares of us. She misses you, though, so we cuddles with her when she is sad. We all likes to climb on her lap at the same time. Gotta go, Daddy...that big dog next door is barking, and it's my shift on guard detail. Love you!


We love you, baby. They were telling me how much they missed you, and asked me if they could write to you again... And you know I can't tell them no. ;) King sized bed and they try to run me out of it every night. I know you miss them too, but they'll be waiting to pounce you when you get home. Only a few more months... We're about a quarter of the way there! Love you more everyday, soldier. Kisses from all 5 of us, and an extra kiss from me, because Sadie blocked the first one. ;)
Goodnight.

Day 26

I miss humidity. I don't care if my hair is frizzy 100% of the time, and I have to go through 2 flat irons a year... I miss it. It's soooo dry here. My hand and feet crack, the dogs shock me every time I get anywhere near the couch, and the parts of my skin that aren't hurting, are itching me to death!

And you know how itches are... They never stay in one place for long. The back of my hand will itch. After I get it good and raw from scratching, the itch will jump on my back where I can't reach it. Then it jumps to the back of my thigh or my calf, then up to my hip. Ahhhh! It drives me crazy! And we aren't talking about a few seconds.... It lasts for HOURS! I'm sure I look like a crazy person, scratching all the time.

I keep the humidifier running constantly, and have to use lotion at least twice a day or risk giving myself welts from scratching. I've found that the eucerin calming creme works the best... Mainly because the tube is long enough to flip over and use it as a back scratcher.

In all seriousness, it has helped. I have only had one scratching fit today, and that body wash is pretty great.

Super excited to get my hair done next week, too. :D Took Jenn to the airport today, went to tan, got peeved at some whiners on Facebook and posted a status that I normally wouldn't have posted had you been here, but it seemed to get a lot of positive responses. Guess I wasn't the only one who was aggravated. Lol

Take care of yourself, baby. I love you and miss you. I think the kiddos want to write to you tomorrow, so I know you'll be waiting for that one. Counting down the days until you're in my arms again. All my love, goodnight.

I've Got Your Back

(This poem has special meaning to me because Nate and I always say "I've got your six, no matter what."
In Military terms, your "six" is your six-o'clock, or behind you...your back.)

I am a small and precious child,
my dad's been sent to fight.
The only place I'll see his face,
is in my dreams at night.
He will be gone too many days
for my young mind to keep track.
I may be sad, but I am proud.
My daddy's got your back.

I am a caring mother.
My son has gone to war.
My mind is filled with worries
that I have never known before.
Everyday I try to keep
my thoughts from turning black.
I may be scared, but I am proud.
My son has got your back.

I am a strong and loving wife,
with a husband soon to go.
There are times I'm terrified
in a way most never know.
I bite my lip, and force a smile
as I watch my husband pack.
My heart may break,
but I am proud.
My husband has got your back.

I am a soldier, serving
proudly, standing tall.
I fight for freedom, yours and mine
by answering this call.
I do my job while knowing,
the thanks it sometimes lacks.
Say a prayer that I'll come home
and remember who's got your back.

by Autumn Parker

Day 25

You have to check out the video of Kyler that Keith tagged me in on Facebook. He's dancing with Jo. It's so cute. :) I miss them so much.

I have a hair appointment tomorrow, then I'm taking Jenn to the airport. At least this trip to FAI won't be to say goodbye for a long period of time.

I miss you. Last night was the first round of nightmares that I've had since right after you left. They're never easy to recover from...usually start my day off badly. The coffee pot started acting up this morning, to top off the awful dreams. I went and bought another one. I think I'll avoid that tragedy if at all possible. The thought of getting up in the morning, coffee pot dead, and having to go buy another with no coffee in my system isn't at all appealing.

There is a Martina McBride song that reminds me of you. Actually, just the chorus:

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it...


We will make it through this, babe, and we'll be stronger together for it. I already feel like we are closer than we have ever been...

I love and miss you so much, and this deployment will not win. I'm gonna love you through it. Goodnight, my love.

Day 24

Today I just want to celebrate the little things about you, or us, that make me happy... So here are 10 small reasons I love you.

1. You always have a pen. I never have a pen. Army training I would have failed on day 1, because I'd have left mine in my purse. I've probably lost 50 pens in the past 24 days. If I need a pen, I ask you for one. It's no fun finding pens on my own around here.

2. You make me coffee. Making my own coffee means that I'm extra grumpy for an additional 10 minutes in the morning.

3. There is absolutely no one to make fun of lame commercials with me.

4. You always start the car to warm it up when it's cold, and you carry in the groceries. Sorry for that. Carrying in the groceries at 45 below is zero fun.

5. You always ask me on your way home from work if I need anything...even if I'm at work, too.

6. We fight over who is in charge of the remote... Not because we can't agree on what to watch, but because neither of us wants to be responsible for fast-forwarding through the commercials. I actually caught myself telling Flint to "FF" the other day because he was closer to the remote than I was.

7. Naps are much better when you're here.

8. You take responsibility of providing lap space for at least two of the kiddos during TV time. My lap isn't big enough for two wiener dogs, an overweight Boxer and a Yorkie with a superiority complex.

9. I sleep better with you beside me, and you always kiss me goodnight.

10. Yours is always the first face I care to see in the morning, and the last face I want to see at night.

I love you, soldier. Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you very soon. Goodnight.

Day 23

It was -45 today. :(
That's about all I've got. I went to the gym and tanned.... Played with the puppies. Not much else besides talking to you today.

Love and miss you so much! I absolutely cannot wait for you to come home!! So many plans!!! Be safe baby. Goodnight.

Day 22/Week 4

Well today was much better. Talking to you last night and this morning eased my mind. So glad I could share Sonia's note with you this morning, too. :)

I'm excited to hear how your perimeter march went today, and hope you got some video. I'm happy we got that video camera... And ready to see what life is like there when you come home.

Are you keeping up on your letters? Don't forget to write so we can combine everything for our family to go back and read one day.

The Bachelor started tonight. One chick brought her Grandma with her and there is already drama. Lol of course, right? I'll save them for you to laugh at... And I'll lock in The Walking Dead so it doesn't get deleted.

The kiddos say hi. They miss you. They are still being overly protective and don't leave my side much, so it's making me feel increasingly guilty to leave them for work. I think I want to video them when you come home... Maybe have you wait in the arctic room and let them out before you come in. They're going to flip.

I couldn't find Sadie yesterday morning. I looked for ten minutes around the bedroom. I knew she was in there because the door was closed all night. I finally found her buried between your pillows. They will still smell like you to them, long after they've been washed. She was missing her Daddy.

Just know that we miss you and we are holding down the fort while you are gone... Just like any strong Army family. I dream about you every night, and think of you when I'm not sleeping. Can't wait to be in your arms again. I love you with all my heart. Goodnight, soldier. Love you. Muah.

Day 21

Today has been awful. Cried 3/4 of the day after I missed your messages this morning. It's one thing if I know I'm not going to be able to talk to you, it's completely another if I know it's my fault. I don't know if I slept through my alarm or if I forgot to set it. I can't remember.

I've been so out of it today that it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to make the tv work.

I'm sure you're just as worried about me as I am about you, and I'm sorry. Even if I have have people from home give me wake up calls, I swear I'll never miss talking to you again. I promise.

You are my world. I love you so much and I hope I get to talk to you soon. Kisses.