Day 41

I'm coining a new phrase today. Deployment codependency/connectivity. This would be the state of being so emotionally connected or dependent on another person that their mood dictates your own.

You and I are typically like this....maybe most married couples are, but it's much more intense when your entire day is made or broken on a phone call. I know that we both do the absolute best we can, but we both have bad days and days that are better. On the bad days, it's hard for the other person to shake that funk as easily.

Every single day, I look forward to talking to you. If that conversation doesn't go perfectly, I worry. I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway.

I'm not sure anyone outside the military life knows what that's like.... Telling you that I love you at the beginning of the conversation instead of the end, in case the phone cuts off.... Knowing that if you are stressed, you can't tell me why... And in reality, although neither of us wants to admit it, that this phone call could be our last. We always try to leave things on a positive note, but if I sense stress, or if you're simply having a bad day, I don't do well until we talk again.

And I know it's not your fault... I have bad days, too, I just find it interesting that someone 5,000 miles away can effect my mood so entirely. I also know a large part of this is that I love you and when you are happy, I am happy, and when you aren't, I want to fix it.

Regardless of our moods, I love you more each day. I cannot imagine my life without you in it, and I think of you every moment. Take care of yourself and come home soon. I love you so very much. Goodnight.